Reasons why Alexandra Hates Twitter

Sometime during the easter of 2010 I finally decided to see what all the fuss was about and register with the new social networking fad... twitter. Shortly after I commenced use of this site, however, a number of things began to trouble me. If you would care to read on I will divulge the reasons behind my uncertainty. 

• Word limit. I do not like to be told what to do at the best of times. The twitter word limit rules with an iron fist. A website should not be allowed such strict regulations... say I have something outstanding to share with the world, yet mid sentence I am interrupted by an automated message. What then? How will I get accross my message? Inevitable nightmare situation. This does not impress. I like to choose the lengths of my sentences at will. Facebook allows this, might I add. 

• Idiotic lingo. I am not a bird. Why would I tweet? I wouldn’t, that is the answer. 

• Twitter stalkers. It bothers me that strange women are following me. Their twitter pictures are suspicious. They appear to have forgotten to don t-shirts. Why are they following me? I don’t want them to. This stresses Alexandra out.

• Celebritweets. Why do all these famous folk have twitter? And why so many followers? The ramblings of most should have no place on such a platform. Misguided interest led me to the twitter page of everyones favourite childstarturnedrebelwithoutacause, Lindsay Lohan. One Lohan tweet caught my eye, in it the starlet states “the only "bookings" that i'm familiar with are Disney Films, never thought that i'd be "booking" into Jail... eeeks,” speaking of her recent experience of the legal system of the city of angels. This tweet is misguided. Firstly it is not a funny joke. Secondly Lohan should not be making any sort of jokes about her dangerous behaviour, funny or not. Last time I checked drink driving was a fairly serious offence when committed by a mere mortal - not so for Lilo. Why are the Lohan management allowing her to post her obscene thoughts on the internet for all the world to see? I can’t imagine this will aid her in getting work in the future. Disney frowns upon convicts. We know you’ve gone off the rails, you crazy girl you.. now be quiet please. Even Lohan’s attempts at charity work are half-hearted. It seems she is trying to help abandoned dogs in New Orleans... not by actually helping mind, just by tweeting her little heart out, asking you to. She is obviously busy, being in jail, oh and being a rebel. 

• Twitter conversations. These are confusing. So many @’s. This means I have trouble stalking people. Facebook provides a handy wall-to-wall function, I am confident this is entirely for ease of stalking. It is much appreciated. 

• Tweeting for the sake of tweeting. Although this does occur on facebook the epidemic seems to be more widespread on twitter. Twitter addicts appear to tweet constantly. This makes me think they are not busy people. Upon discovering this information I automatically look down on them. This morning Fearne Cotton, of radio 1 fame, demonstrates that she is not a busy person by tweeting, “MORNINGGGGGG! rubbish nights sleep last night! COFFEEEE.” Even if Fearne and I were the best of friends I’d be unlikely to wonder how she slept last night. Who is it that cares if Miss Cotton is having coffee this morning? If someone does, this also troubles me.  

From Alexandra