Every time someone asks me if I am going to a festival this summer I die a little bit inside. I cannot get my head around why these weekends are so popular. What you are asking me, essentially, is if I too have agreed to pay the price of a small house in order to spend two nights in a field attempting sleep in a canvas cage. If I’m lucky I might be able to rest my head on a rock. During the night sounds of shouting, fighting and vomiting will entertain my tent friends and I, ensuring all will be cranky and tired in the morning. Not to worry though, I knew this, and brought red bull for this exact purpose. During the daytime we will be queuing mostly. Upon reaching the front of the queue we will be ripped off and leave, burger/drink in hand, feeling violated and abused. At V festival in 2007 I actually paid £7.50 for a grease sandwich. I paid this because I was hungry and had been queuing for around half an hour. I did not enjoy my snackette. The fury gave me indigestion.
This year if one wishes to voluntarily attend Reading Festival it will cost around £250. Why not go on holiday instead? Or stay at home? Once you have arrived at the fun house you are destined to spend the entire time queuing for vouchers. These will then be used when you reach the front of the gigantic queue for the voucher bar, where you will be charged approximately two hundred pounds for a plastic bottle containing wine which will undoubtedly taste like paint stripper but which you will drink anyway, because you are parched and need to get sufficiently paraletic before any enjoyment of the festival can occur.
|People who have paid hundreds of pounds to sit in a field.|
People having 'fun'.
The only memories I can recall of V Festival are those of repulsion, horror and outrage. Oodles of cash were ripped from my clutching hands, constantly, for two days. As I left, covered in grime and mud, tired and grumpy, I felt as though I’d been robbed. I can’t understand the pleasure which some appear to gain from festival attendance. I wonder what such people are thinking. I continue to wonder for some time and can come up with no legitimate reason for any fun being had at these events. So no, I am not going to any festivals this summer.