Thursday, 5 August 2010

Alexandra’s Thoughts on Brighton

This week the boyfriend and I visited Brighton, seaside town of East Sussex, in search of candyfloss and sunshine. At night we slept in a B&B, the Kelvin Guest House. The owners were gay, not just a little bit gay, very gay. It was decorated with rainbow flags. I loved it.

The Kelvin Guest House

Whilst there we enjoyed a number of touristy type excursions. First on the agenda was a visit to the Royal Pavillion. The website claims this isremarkable for its exotic oriental appearance both inside and out.” Unsurprisingly Alexandra was not a fan of the Royal Pavillion. Let me tell you why. Firstly they give you an audio guide but this audio guide has too much jazzy music and in between the jazzy music a man talks and sometimes a lady talks but they talk far too much about not very much. It is interesting for a little while but once you get the idea that George was the 19th century’s answer to Paris Hilton what remains is essentially waffle sandwiched between pieces of jazzy music. I got bored of the guide half way through and toddled off to the next room before being told to by the voices eminating from this giant phone. The other reason for my lack of enthusiasm was that George and I clearly have different tastes in interior design. Everything was too bright. It looked a bit like some buffoon had allowed Lawrence Llewelyn Bowen to go crazy with no budget. There was a dragon eating a chandelier over the banqueting room. The dragon was too big. It could have fallen. I kept imagining a dinner time massacre. Apparently the Pavillion is “home to some of the finest collections and examples of the chinoiserie style in Britain.” I expect a big chinoiserie fan would love the place. Me.. clearly not a chinoiserie fan. Having said this I did think the outside of the building was fairly snazzy. The gardens were also quite good, but there was a crazy man playing a bongo drum who winked at me and this made me afraid so I left. 

The Royal Pavillion
At dinner time I was excited to go to an italian called Donatello’s because they did gluten free pasta. Anything gluten free excites me. It was extra delicious. After this I accidentally got horribly drunk. I don’t know how this happened but I went to Oceana and remember little to none of the evening. The next day was stressful. I had a headache. I felt unwell. I could taste wine and I couldn’t make it stop. Then I fell asleep on the beach and burnt my nose primarily and also the rest of my face. It is still not totally recovered. I fear I may get wrinkles. 
Whilst my pounding head was still in recovery I went to the sea life centre to see a shark. I did see a shark there and this made me happy. Then I got some pick n’ mix and my happiness levels increased further still. I will never grow up. 
Before we returned to Essex a shopping trip happened. The Lanes has many boutiquey type shops which are great. A lot of sparkly jewels are sold there. Twinkly things attract my interest and make me spend money. I thought the streets were kind of reminiscent of York’s famous Shambles, although obviously not as good. The shops did not go inwards Harry Potter style like the York ones do. Sweet shops were plentiful though so Brighton gets points for this.
Then home. Then tea. 
From Alexandra


  1. This is compulsive reading! Raises so many questions! Are the owners genuinely gay? Or pseudo gay? What exactly IS Chinoiserie?! What would of happened if Alexandra had made social contact with the bongo man? Was his casual wink something he gives to all the ladies as a means to get some extra pennys or was this genuine attraction for our favourite blogger?!! What did you eat for tea? Never Stop writing!


    Your No. 1 fan xxxxxxx

  2. I should like to oust joewitney from the exalted heights of number one fanon account of my seniority and muvvership! I also find this compulsive reading too!!!