tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-41881709331598678492024-03-13T15:36:19.236+00:00Alexandra's Complaints of the Day.Alexandra Colemanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17752619271680050379noreply@blogger.comBlogger22125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4188170933159867849.post-21202806054234795402010-10-12T13:35:00.001+01:002010-10-12T13:35:42.435+01:00The Only Way is Essex...?<div style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: white; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; font: normal normal normal 13px/19px Georgia, 'Times New Roman', 'Bitstream Charter', Times, serif; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0.6em; padding-left: 0.6em; padding-right: 0.6em; padding-top: 0.6em;"><div id="attachment_160"><strong><em><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The Only Way is Essex </span></span></em><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">is a new soap pretending to be a documentary which ITV2 have launched for reasons known only to themselves.</span></span></strong><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I watched it because I am from Essex and wanted to know how closely they would be sticking with the Essex stereotype. Pretty closely, it seems.</span></span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I imagined it would be like the lovechild of two equally cringeworthy programmes, </span></span><em><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">What Katie Did Next</span></span></em><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> and perhaps some disgraceful hour about Kerry Katona, that slurring Iceland woman. It proclaims that </span></span><strong><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“people from London wish they was from Essex”</span></span></strong><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">. I’ve never heard anyone from London say this.</span></span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Despite my low expectations of the programme, within the first ten minutes I was left confused by a mixture of emotions, ultimately rendering me completely speechless and slightly guilty that I hadn’t already switched it off.</span></span><br />
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<strong><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">First came amused.</span></span></strong><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> Every single girl in this programme appears to be modelled on Katie Price. All of them! They are orange. They are incapable of intelligent thought. They appear in </span></span><em><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Nuts</span></span></em><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> magazine. They think of themselves as glamorous, spending most of their time in candyfloss-pukey-pink salons. At one point a character gets something called a ‘</span></span><strong><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">vagazzle</span></span></strong><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">’, which should not exist but apparently does.</span></span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Then anger took over. </span></span><strong><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Particular highlights include the mentioning of several phrases which people who are not from Essex think that people who are from Essex say. These are:</span></span></strong><br />
<ol><li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">A reference to something called a ‘</span></span><em><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Brentwood swoon</span></span></em><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">’, as if it were a widely recognised hairstyle. What is that? Nothing. It doesn’t exist.</span></span></li>
<li><em><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Geezer</span></span></em><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">. No one says geezer.</span></span></li>
<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The males in this programme refer to females as ‘</span></span><em><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">birds</span></span></em><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">’, constantly.</span></span></li>
<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Mark wants to go “</span></span><em><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">boozin</span></span></em><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">’”. </span></span><em><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">BOOZIN</span></span></em><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">’?</span></span></li>
<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Males also persistently refer to eachother as “</span></span><em><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">son</span></span></em><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">”, which does not happen. (The girls refer to eachother as “</span></span><em><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">babe</span></span></em><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">”. Unfortunately this is fairly realistic.)</span></span></li>
</ol><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">If I had never been to Essex and based all my opinion on the filth and lies this programme promotes I would believe it to be a county inhabited solely by wealthy, good looking yet overly preened 20-25 year olds with vomit-inducing accents who spurt nonsense chat from the moment they wake to the moment they fall into bed with tonights’ stranger. Although I’m sure there are people in Essex who are similar to Candy and co. there too exists a breed of Essex people who do have functioning brain cells and don’t get two or three spray tans before leaving the tack infested mansion in the morning.</span></span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Essex is inhabited by children and adults, people of all ages in fact! This is not made clear in the programme. It features only two people not aged 20-25, someone’s mum and someone’s nan. Nan brings round sausage plaits. </span></span><strong><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Brilliant</span></span></strong><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">.</span></span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Slight bemusement set in later, as two male pseudo Essex boys go on a shopping trip. Mark is 23 years old yet appears to be filthy rich. How is he so rich? He can’t have a job, he is too stupid. He buys a three thousand pound watch and a seven hundred pound jacket, before staring intently at a mirror for around ten minutes. </span></span><strong><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">If he was actually that rich he would have left Essex by now, we all know this.</span></span></strong><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Most of the programme centers around a </span></span><strong><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“Rachel and Ross from friends”</span></span></strong><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> style on/off relationship between two equally grotesque characters, Mark and Lauren. The fact that the pair have allegedly been together for nine years is mentioned 20-25 times. Mark then states, as if fact, that they began their sham of a relationship when he was 15. Earlier we were informed that he is now 23. That is not nine years, you plank.</span></span><br />
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<dl _mce_style="width: 310px;" class="wp-caption aligncenter" id="attachment_192" style="background-color: #f3f3f3; border-bottom-color: rgb(221, 221, 221); border-bottom-left-radius: 3px 3px; border-bottom-right-radius: 3px 3px; border-bottom-style: solid; border-bottom-width: 1px; border-left-color: rgb(221, 221, 221); border-left-style: solid; border-left-width: 1px; border-right-color: rgb(221, 221, 221); border-right-style: solid; border-right-width: 1px; border-top-color: rgb(221, 221, 221); border-top-left-radius: 3px 3px; border-top-right-radius: 3px 3px; border-top-style: solid; border-top-width: 1px; display: block; margin-bottom: 10px; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; margin-top: 10px; padding-top: 4px; text-align: center; width: 310px;"><dt class="wp-caption-dt"><a _mce_href="http://alexandrascomplaints.files.wordpress.com/2010/10/550w_tv_only_way_is_essex.jpg" href="http://alexandrascomplaints.files.wordpress.com/2010/10/550w_tv_only_way_is_essex.jpg"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><img _mce_src="http://alexandrascomplaints.files.wordpress.com/2010/10/550w_tv_only_way_is_essex.jpg?w=300" alt="" class="size-medium wp-image-192" height="182" src="http://alexandrascomplaints.files.wordpress.com/2010/10/550w_tv_only_way_is_essex.jpg?w=300" style="border-bottom-style: none; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-color: initial; border-left-style: none; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-style: none; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-style: none; border-top-width: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" title="550w_tv_only_way_is_essex" width="300" /></span></span></a></dt>
<dd class="wp-caption-dd" style="line-height: 17px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 5px; padding-left: 4px; padding-right: 4px; padding-top: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Just some of your average essex girls and boys displaying average essex magpie like tendencies.</span></span></dd></dl></div><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The Only Way is Essex is also sponsored by a cold sore cream. Nice.</span></span><br />
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<strong><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Is this a “real-life soap” really, ITV? I don’t believe you.</span></span></strong><br />
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<strong><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">From Alexandra</span></span></strong></div></div>Alexandra Colemanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17752619271680050379noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4188170933159867849.post-42334941152074590632010-09-14T21:11:00.003+01:002010-09-14T21:15:23.913+01:00Lady GaGa Wears Dress Made of Meat. World Goes Mad.<div class="p2"><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Lady GaGa is of the unusual persuasion. In case we forget how unusual GaGa is she likes to remind us by making clothes out of things that are in fact not clothes. They are often unflattering and not normally even shaped like clothes. Sometimes she wears a telephone on her head. People have ceased to pay much attention to what GaGa has adorned herself with over time. It appears this has caused her some kind of image crisis, forcing her to constantly rack her brains trying to think up a more unusual outfit than her last unusual outfit, which was pretty unusual, probably. <span class="s1"></span></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_x_LEeW_jmHA/TI_Xadj7JgI/AAAAAAAAAIw/S1mYX6QaXtw/s1600/lady-gaga-telephone-head.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_x_LEeW_jmHA/TI_Xadj7JgI/AAAAAAAAAIw/S1mYX6QaXtw/s320/lady-gaga-telephone-head.jpeg" /></span></a></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
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</span></div></div><div class="p2"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="s1"></span></span></div><div class="p1"><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="s1"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Yesterday GaGa attended the VMA’s (which is an award ceremony just for music videos, i.e. pointless) in a dress made entirely of meat. </span><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Raw meat</span></b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">. All bloody and probably smelling like dead animal. There was a steak on her head. Just slapped on there.</span></span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="s1"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></span></div></div><div class="p2"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="s1"></span></span></div><div class="p1"><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="s1"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Blatant attention seeking acts such as this generally wind me up and cause one of those rage blackouts that I have. This one did not, though, for I am still struggling to get my head around the wearing of meat as a dress. I’ve spent the whole day wondering how such a dress would feel. Is meat a breathable material when used for clothing? Was she all sweaty beneath the meat? How did the meat stay stuck on? The sweatiness could have caused the meat to slip. Perhaps it was glued on. </span><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">So many questions. </span></b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">(I don’t have much to do with my time.)</span></span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="s1"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></span></div></div><div class="p2"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="s1"></span></span></div><div class="p1"><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="s1"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Clearly this gesture was something GaGa dreamed up in order to get people talking, provoke strong reaction and so on and so forth.<b> It worked well, ten points to you Miss GaGa, but you did have to sit in meat for the duration of the award ceremony, did you not?</b> I am struggling to see who the real winner is here.</span></span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="s1"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></span></div></div><div class="p2"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="s1"></span></span></div><div class="p1"><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="s1"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">PETA are suitably enraged by the wearing of a dress made of meat. PETA are annoying though, all self-righteous and loving the world. This makes me side with anyone they might be complaining about, whether they’ve tortured twenty kittens, set a dog on fire or (gasp) worn a coat made of FUR. PETA get too worked up over the cows. I think they just need to spend more time drinking tea and they’d feel much better about it all.</span></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="s1"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_x_LEeW_jmHA/TI_XVYBYbkI/AAAAAAAAAIo/f-YGlRLKzko/s1600/Lady+Gaga+in+that+dress.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_x_LEeW_jmHA/TI_XVYBYbkI/AAAAAAAAAIo/f-YGlRLKzko/s320/Lady+Gaga+in+that+dress.jpeg" /></span></a></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="s1"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></span></div></div><div class="p2"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="s1"></span></span></div><div class="p1"><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="s1"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Is the meat dress fury justified, anyway?</span></b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> I’m not sure it is. The main criticism is the fact that GaGa wasted the meat. People waste meat often. If GaGa had worn old meat, would this have been OK? Who’s to say she didn’t feast on the meat at the end of the ceremony anyway? I mean, she is somewhat eccentric. I don’t think I’d be entirely surprised if tomorrow she announced that she lived on a diet of sweaty meat, believing that by wearing the meat as a dress first you might get to know the meat better, allowing for easier digestion once one finally has the dress for dinner. </span></span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="s1"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></span></div></div><div class="p2"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="s1"></span></span></div><div class="p1"><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="s1"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Why is the meat dress so much more outrageous than wearing leather shoes? </span></span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="s1"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></span></div></div><div class="p2"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="s1"></span></span></div><div class="p1"><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="s1"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The wastage of meat does not trouble me. I am a carnivore and fully aware that my steak was once a living, breathing animal with a face. It’d be hypocritical to get all irate about the wearing of steak as a dress. I ate beef for dinner. I could’ve sewn the pieces together and fashioned a small scarf if I’d felt the need. It would make little difference in the grand scheme of things, seen as how the cow is actually already dead and probably not watching me from cow heaven in order to ensure that the pieces of his corpse are ingested as dinner, like what he wanted. </span></span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="s1"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></span></div></div><div class="p2"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="s1"></span></span></div><div class="p1"><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="s1"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The thing which one did find a trifle exasperating was the absolutely abysmal message GaGa claimed she was trying to promote through the wearing the meat as a dress. </span><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">This fruitcake claimed that it was a protest about the US military’s attitude to homosexuals. </span></b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Yes, that’s right, by wearing steak as a dress GaGa was helping gay soldiers. The modern day Mother Theresa. Perhaps she thought that when she mentioned soldiers people would just start clapping and wailing sounds of encouragement, because this is what Americans do whenever the words ‘servicemen and women’ are mentioned, thus getting the entire American public on her side no matter what she is wearing as a dress. (This is true. There was a military chap on my American Airlines flight last year. We all had to clap for him. I think he was just going on holiday.)</span></span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="s1"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></span></div></div><div class="p2"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="s1"></span></span></div><div class="p1"><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="s1"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Quite short, wasn’t it.. the meat dress. Didn’t actually cover her bottom like how conventional clothes do. I wonder what she meant by this bit. Probably some kind of statement about meat and bottoms. Or perhaps the promiscuous butcher is a big look this season. Or she ran out of meat half way through.. hmmm</span></span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="s1"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_x_LEeW_jmHA/TI_XNYYBNFI/AAAAAAAAAIg/k2iWYhvAXMo/s1600/Mike+Blake.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_x_LEeW_jmHA/TI_XNYYBNFI/AAAAAAAAAIg/k2iWYhvAXMo/s320/Mike+Blake.jpeg" /></span></a></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="s1"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></span></div></div><div class="p2"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="s1"></span></span></div><div class="p1"><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="s1"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The best part of the entire meat dress scandal has got to be the idiotic interpretations ‘experts’ have come up with, taking the dress made of meat seriously and not dismissing as the publicity stunt it clearly is. GaGa, when she shut up about the soldiers, said the dress was open to many interpretations <b>(which loosely translates as PLEASE TALK ABOUT ME)</b>. Foolish folk have however taken the bait. </span></span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="s1"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></span></div></div><div class="p2"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="s1"></span></span></div><div class="p1"><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="s1"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Here are their expert opinions... </span></span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="s1"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></span></div></div><div class="p2"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="s1"></span></span></div><div class="p3"><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="s1"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Andrew Groves </span></b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">(fashion chap) thinks that </span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“what she's doing is quite subversive - it's a commentary on the fashion and the music industries and I think it's very clever.”</span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> Interestingly Groves does not divulge what he believes this commentary to be, simply that it is one. </span></span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="s1"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></span></div></div><div class="p4"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="s1"></span></span></div><div class="p3"><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="s1"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Laurie Penny </span></b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">(feminist writer i.e. nutcase) claims </span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“it's a clever play on women being viewed as chunks of flesh, as pieces of meat, as things to be consumed."</span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> Wasn’t Lady GaGa supposed to be a man last year? Have we forgotten about that now? </span></span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="s1"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></span></div></div><div class="p4"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="s1"></span></span></div><div class="p3"><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="s1"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Dr Richard Noble </span></b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">(Goldsmiths artsy type) has claimed that “it taps into the artistic tradition of the memento mori or the still life. The still life, after all, is a meditation on mortality and the state of decay. You have the flowers and the vegetables, but all the corrupting elements as well." This sounds suspiciously like most justifications for cabbages and half-eaten bananas as ‘art’. </span></span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="s1"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></span></div></div><div class="p4"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="s1"></span></span></div><div class="p3"><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="s1"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">What will you wear next, Miss GaGa?! I don’t know if I can handle the suspense. I imagine the next logical step would be for GaGa to cut bits of meat off of herself, in a Saw movie style, and make a top hat and tails out of it. </span><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Then the world would be truly impressed. </span></b></span></div></div><div class="p3"><br />
<div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><span class="s1"><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">From Alexandra</span></div></span></div>Alexandra Colemanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17752619271680050379noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4188170933159867849.post-53190381480620773302010-09-14T21:10:00.002+01:002010-09-14T21:10:19.549+01:00LADY GAGA WEARS DRESS MADE OF MEAT. WORLD GOES MAD.http://alexandrascomplaints.wordpress.com/2010/09/14/meatdress/Alexandra Colemanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17752619271680050379noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4188170933159867849.post-23675634845179110052010-09-14T16:40:00.001+01:002010-09-14T16:41:32.121+01:00Bieber Fever<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><u>Symptoms</u></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">:</span><br />
<br />
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 14.0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></span></span></div><ol style="list-style-type: decimal;"><li style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Loud screeching.</span></span></span></li>
<li style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Mobbing of strangers with mop-head Bieber style haircuts.</span></span></span></li>
<li style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Wailing in annoying fashion. </span></span></span></li>
<li style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Blurred vision due to intense excitement. </span></span></span></li>
<li style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Uncontrollable, intense production of high pitch noises when presented with vision of real life Bieber.</span></span></span></li>
<li style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Fainting. </span></span></span></li>
<li style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The watching of youtube videos of Bieber. </span></span></span></li>
<li style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Listening to Bieber songs. N.B. <b>The fever is shown to have taken hold in cases where subjects show signs of genuine enjoyment of Bieber’s music.</b> </span></span></span></li>
<li style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Inability to prevent self from stalking fifteen year old Canadian boy, despite the illegal/weird nature of such actions. </span></span></span></li>
<li style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> Making plans to wed said stranger and birth strangers children. </span></span></span></li>
<li style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> Sending of marriage proposals, declarations of undying love and pictures of self and Bieber encased in a heart on cards in which victim has scrawled rubbish poem, believing that the Bieber himself will read and respond favourably to creepy advances. </span></span></span></li>
<li style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> More screaming.</span></span></span></li>
<li style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> Obsessive plastering of Bieber’s face on schoolbooks, bedrooms walls, clothing. </span></span></span></li>
<li style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> Throwing of knickers at the Bieber.</span></span></span></li>
<li style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> Owning a Justin Bieber pencil case. </span></span></span></li>
<li style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> Eventual heartbreak following crushing realisation that Bieber doesn’t actually love you/know who you are, leading to slow miserable death in Bieber themed bedroom. </span></span></span></li>
</ol><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_x_LEeW_jmHA/TI-XSfDhWXI/AAAAAAAAAIY/YlWeEQd7RYU/s1600/Justin-Photoshoot-justin-bieber--1.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_x_LEeW_jmHA/TI-XSfDhWXI/AAAAAAAAAIY/YlWeEQd7RYU/s320/Justin-Photoshoot-justin-bieber--1.gif" /></a></div><div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 14.0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></span></span></div><div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><u>Those at risk:</u></span></span></span></div><div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 14.0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></span></span></div><ol style="list-style-type: decimal;"><li style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Female idiots aged 10-14. </span></span></span></li>
<li style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">No one else.</span></span></span></li>
<li style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Not a single person.</span></span></span></li>
<li style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">It is currently being argued that this proves the theory that humans grow fully functional ears/brains around the age of fifteen. </span></span></span></li>
</ol><div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 14.0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></span></span></div><div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><u>Treatment</u>:</span></span></span></div><div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 14.0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></span></span></div><ol style="list-style-type: decimal;"><li style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">It is suggested that those affected <b><i>‘get a grip’</i></b>. This is to be achieved through a course of counselling in which sufferers are confronted with their bizarre behaviour. It is expected that in time they might begin to ask themselves why they have been stalking an adolescent boy they have never and probably will never meet, carving his name in their arms with blunt penknives etc etc. <br />
<br />
Having completed the course of therapy sessions and learned to confront truth <b>i.e. fact that this is simply a young boy from Canada who sings songs on youtube and not the second coming,</b> it is hoped that Bieber Fever victims will complete the journey back to real world. <br />
<br />
Victims who have been successful in recovery will eventually feel able to listen to ‘Baby’ and agree with therapists that it is, in fact, <b>shit</b>. </span></span></span></li>
</ol><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 12px;"><br />
</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">From Alexandra</span></div>Alexandra Colemanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17752619271680050379noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4188170933159867849.post-80952795950708966882010-09-11T21:04:00.002+01:002010-09-11T21:04:29.774+01:00Take Off That Fucking T-Shirt.<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Every time I am confronted with a person sporting a Che Guevara t-shirt I have a small rage blackout. I feel like smacking them over the head whilst screaming obscenities in their ears (to get their attention) before questioning them as to what they actually know about this esteemed revolutionary.</span></span></span></div><div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 14.0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span></span></span></div><div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I believe that if one wishes to wear an item of clothing with a strangers face plastered across the front it is necessary to know a substantial amount of information on the figure. I also believe that about 95% of people strutting about in their Che Guevara shirts do not possess the required knowledge. </span></span></span></div><div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 14.0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span></span></span></div><div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Bad things about Che Guevara:</span></span></span></div><div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 14.0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span></span></span></div><ol style="list-style-type: decimal;"><li style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Guevara was a Marxist puritan who operated a cold blooded killing machine.</span></span></span></li>
<li style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Guevara loved to shoot defectors. He sent execution squads out searching for the deserters and massacred them in an unchristian fashion. </span></span></span></li>
<li style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Che was an Argentine Chris Moyles. He set up Radio Rebele. I can only assume he used this to play crap songs by N-Dubz and Pixie Lott.</span></span></span></li>
<li style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Whilst in control of the </span></span><a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/La_Caba%C3%B1a_Fortress"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">La Cabaña Fortress</span></span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> prison Che executed 55 to 164 people convicted of being traitors, informers or war criminals. Apparently he loved a bit of the old firing squad, which is generally not seen as a good thing. </span></span></span></li>
<li style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Che was heavily involved in bringing </span></span><a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Soviet_Union"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Soviet</span></span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nuclear_weapon"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">nuclear-armed</span></span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ballistic_missile"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">ballistic missiles</span></span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> to Cuba, which initiated the Cuban Missile Crisis and almost brought about a nuclear war, which would have been quite bad for most people wishing to inhabit Earth. </span></span></span></li>
<li style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Che then claimed that had the missiles been in Cuban control he would have fired them off. No comment. </span></span></span></li>
<li style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">During the Vietnam war Che urged the peoples of developing countries to take up arms and create “many Vietnams”. Sterling advice. </span></span></span></li>
<li style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Guevara spat in the face of Bolivian Rear Admiral Ugarteche shortly before his execution. I don’t like men who spit. </span></span></span></li>
<li style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Guevara hated consumer culture. Oh the irony. His face is now one of the most universally merchandised and objectified images of all time, ever. Thus if you did know anything about el Che you should know that he would have told you to take off that fucking t-shirt himself. (If he wasn’t dead, which he is.)</span></span></span></li>
</ol><div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 14.0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span></span></span></div><div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Good things about Che Guevara:</span></span></span></div><div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 14.0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span></span></span></div><ol style="list-style-type: decimal;"><li style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">He could ride a horse. </span></span></span></li>
</ol><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_x_LEeW_jmHA/TIvgvoQYQbI/AAAAAAAAAIQ/LVUxhnFlVbs/s1600/images.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_x_LEeW_jmHA/TIvgvoQYQbI/AAAAAAAAAIQ/LVUxhnFlVbs/s320/images.jpeg" /></a></div><div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 14.0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span></span></span></div><div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Therefore Che and I would like to respectfully requested that you TAKE OFF THAT FUCKING T SHIRT. Thank you. </span></span></b></span></div><div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 14.0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span></span></span></div><div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">P.s. The same applies to fifteen years olds sporting those with names of rock bands they’ve never listened to but think sound oh so cool. Recently my dear brother stepped out in a Guns n Roses shirt. “I didn’t know you liked guns and roses,” I said to him. “Can you name any songs by them?” He could not.</span></span></span></div><div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 14.0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span></span></span></div><div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">From Alexandra</span></span></span></div>Alexandra Colemanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17752619271680050379noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4188170933159867849.post-27481152666904171582010-08-31T21:10:00.000+01:002010-08-31T21:10:43.945+01:00Blog's First Moving Day.<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande'; font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 11px;">This blog is now on http://alexandrascomplaints.wordpress.com/</span></span><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande'; font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 11px;"><br />
</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande'; font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 11px;">Subscribe</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande'; font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 11px;">Comment</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande'; font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 11px;">LOVELY</span></span></div>Alexandra Colemanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17752619271680050379noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4188170933159867849.post-72323929609361832362010-08-31T20:57:00.002+01:002010-08-31T20:58:46.987+01:00“Paris Hilton ‘arrested with cocaine’ in Las Vegas.” Really? My god.<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #505050; font-family: Helvetica;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 32px; letter-spacing: -1px; line-height: 34px;"><b></b></span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #505050; font-family: Helvetica;"><b></b></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #505050; font-family: Helvetica;"><b></b></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #505050; font-family: Helvetica;"><b><div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><div style="text-align: justify;"><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">This weekend I took it upon myself to catch up on recent world events, current affairs, natural disasters and what not with a little clickety click on the old BBC news website. The headline left me shocked and enthralled. (Notice the sarcasm dripping from this sentence, dripping everywhere, all down the page. Drip drip.) It seems America’s sweetheart is at it again, do her wild partying ways know no bounds? Goodness this one is out of control, I thought to myself, whilst wondering whether to shoot myself in the back or front of head in protest to the fact that the exploits of Miss Hilton are again occupying my busy mind. This would be a sure fire way to put an end to all reports on what Miss Hilton and her band of birdbrained bimbos have been up to this week, I think. Really, Paris Hilton? On BBC News? The news of the actual, real BBC? </span></span></span><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Shit</span></span></span></b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">. </span></span></span></span></div></div></div><div style="font: normal normal normal 12px/normal Helvetica; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; min-height: 14px; text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></span></span></span></div><div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">It never ceases to amaze me that Paris Hilton is still considered a ‘celebrity’. She is not deserving of such status. Do people like Paris? Has she a fanbase? It seems people must be interested in her. </span></span></span><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Why do I know who she is?</span></span></span></b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> I don’t want to. Things like this make me worry for humanity and the soulless, rapacious capitalists we have become. Then I have a biscuit and it usually cheers me up. </span></span></span></span></div></div><div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></span></span></span></div></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: justify;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_x_LEeW_jmHA/TH1eqrhvvZI/AAAAAAAAAIA/3QWKwL_KqcA/s1600/Paris-Hilton-psd3086.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_x_LEeW_jmHA/TH1eqrhvvZI/AAAAAAAAAIA/3QWKwL_KqcA/s320/Paris-Hilton-psd3086.png" /></a></div><div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></span></span></span></div></div><div style="font: normal normal normal 12px/normal Helvetica; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; min-height: 14px; text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></span></span></span></div><div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Paris’s claim to fame is that she produced a sex tape, apparently not on purpose. That and her father owning a hotel or something. These are not reasons to document a persons life in the international media. These do not warrant a report on what Paris Hilton orders at Starbucks, or what Miss Hilton is wearing today. Stories about Miss Hilton make me want to set fire to my magazine and rub the ashes into my eyes so that I might never again bear witness to the thoughts and musings of this cretin. You may think this a strong reaction, but it is fully justified. Miss Hilton is a twerp. As if this wasn’t enough justification let me share with you some of the ramblings of the peroxide twiglet herself so that you too might share in my indignation: </span></span></span></span></div></div><div style="font: normal normal normal 12px/normal Helvetica; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; min-height: 14px; text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></span></span></span></div><div style="font: 12.0px Arial; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><b><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“The only rule is don't be boring and dress cute wherever you go. Life is too short to blend in.” </span></span></span></i></b></span></div></div><div style="font: 12.0px Arial; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Great advice here from Paris, spreading her bountiful wisdom about with some kind of giant butter knife. Clearly she felt the need to inform her public that it is good to wear nice clothes. Sterling advice. Throw away your romper suits everyone! We must dress cute!</span></span></span></span></div></div><div style="font: 12.0px Arial; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 14.0px;"><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><i></i></span></span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></span></span></div></div><div style="font: 12.0px Arial; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><b><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“No matter what a woman looks like, if she's confident, she's sexy.”</span></span></span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span></span></b></span></div></div><div style="font: 12.0px Arial; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Not such good advice from Paris. She is stating, as if fact, that all women are sexy if they have confidence. This is a lie. Ugly women exist. </span></span></span></span></div></div><div style="font: normal normal normal 12px/normal Arial; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; min-height: 14px; text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></span></span></span></div><div style="font: 12.0px Arial; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><b><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“I don't really think, I just walk.”</span></span></span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span></span></b></span></div></div><div style="font: 12.0px Arial; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Here Paris is demonstrating outstanding self-awareness. Presumably she meant this in jest? Oh, sweet irony. </span></span></span></span></div></div><div style="font: normal normal normal 12px/normal Arial; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; min-height: 14px; text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></span></span></span></div><div style="font: 12.0px Arial; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Oh and lest we forget, Miss Hilton has her very own catchphrase,</span></span></span><b><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“that’s hot.”</span></span></span></i></b><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span></span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Which she uses to describe most things. Imagine her two brain cells clanging together as she thought that one up. Must’ve been exhausting. </span></span></span></span></div></div><div style="font: normal normal normal 12px/normal Arial; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; min-height: 14px; text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></span></span></span></div><div style="font: 12.0px Arial; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Enough about Paris, BBC News. I hereby request more news on those lovable Chilean miners, please. Another song perhaps? </span></span></span></span></div></div><div style="font: normal normal normal 12px/normal Arial; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; min-height: 14px; text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></span></span></span></div><div style="font: 12.0px Arial; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">From Alexandra</span></span></span></span></div></div></b></span>Alexandra Colemanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17752619271680050379noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4188170933159867849.post-74709565557392882982010-08-29T12:37:00.005+01:002010-08-29T18:51:59.536+01:00All the Football, All the Time.<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"></span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><div style="text-align: justify;">In England there exists a game, it is called ‘<b><i>football’</i></b> and it gets people all worked up. I believe it’s been around quite a while and seems a fairly popular <b>game</b> currently. Notice how the word <b>game</b> is in bold, so as to emphasise the fact that it is a <b>game</b>, and not a determinant for life, the universe and everything. Just so you know. </div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_x_LEeW_jmHA/THpFbbV3tVI/AAAAAAAAAHg/x3ejDsayHJI/s1600/100353_football2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="200" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_x_LEeW_jmHA/THpFbbV3tVI/AAAAAAAAAHg/x3ejDsayHJI/s200/100353_football2.jpg" width="200" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">(Google Images)<br />
Here is a football. </td></tr>
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<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">There are several problems with this game, aside from the fact that many do not believe it to be</span></span><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> just a game</span></span></b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">. </span></span></span></div><div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 14.0px; text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></span></span></div><div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Football is very</span></span><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> time consuming</span></span></b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">. I imagine the football fan must be a tired person. This </span></span><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">game</span></span></b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> is happening all the time. I would be wondering how the football fan could keep up with all the football, if it weren’t for the shedload of football orientated television programmes created to aid him in his struggle. There exists a channel entirely dedicated to football news, they call it ‘</span></span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Sky Sports News’</span></span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">. It has a desk with a man sitting at it, or sometimes a girl (she will always be easy on the eye), who read out the news as if imitating a real news reader. </span></span><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">This is not news. </span></span></b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">This is a </span></span><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">game</span></span></b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">, where someone wins and someone loses and no actual news is ever generated except if a football player of note drops dead on the pitch, which would actually be interesting. Other things which are <i>not</i> news include footballers arguing with other footballers in dressing rooms, whether or not someone threw a shoe at another person’s head, or whether or not Joe Cole deserved to receive a red card for his naughty tackling antics. </span></span></span></div><div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_x_LEeW_jmHA/THpFmp-DjuI/AAAAAAAAAHo/k95tKcdWX5A/s1600/skysportsnewsreports800_2404051.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="167" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_x_LEeW_jmHA/THpFmp-DjuI/AAAAAAAAAHo/k95tKcdWX5A/s320/skysportsnewsreports800_2404051.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">(Google Images)<br />
Goodness, how dramatic. </td></tr>
</tbody></table><div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">There is a BBC sport website which allows the football fan to catch up on the latest football gossip. </span></span><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Gossip and football do not mix</span></span></b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">. Gossip is an interesting thing, it’s focus is primarily scandal and drama in the world of celebrity, or people you know, which is the best kind of gossip. Football gossip is infinitely less stimulating. The gossip items revolve around a footballer playing for a new team (changing the colour of his t-shirt), or thinking about playing for a new team, (thinking about changing his t-shirt) or trying to get more money to play for said new team (wants more money for a change of t-shirt). <b>This is dull as dishwater.</b> Dishwater is apparently pretty dull.</span></span></span></div><div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 14.0px; text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></span></span></div><div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The ‘<i>football season</i>’ is a myth, designed to keep women happy with the empty promise that at some point the football will cease. </span></span><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">It will never cease. </span></span></b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">There is the Champions League, the FA Cup, the Carling Cup and the Europa League which occur, as they should, during the designated football season (I’m told). However, outside of the football season, when we should be having a break from all the football, all the time, we are subjected to the World Cup. People claim this only happens once every four years, (this is called quadrennial - interesting fact there), however shortly after the end of the World Cup of 2010 England were again playing football against some other country in a World Cup style. Suspicious. There is also Euro 2012 which I imagine is like a miniature world cup. </span></span><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">There is no such thing as the football season. </span></span></b></span></div><div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 14.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b></b></span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></span></div><div style="color: #333233; font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-align: justify;"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The footballer is probably nature’s most empty-headed creature. </span></span></b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I believe this is a prerequisite for becoming a successful footballer, only a vacant imbecilic human could devote his life to kicking a ball around a green rectangle in the desperate hope of it travelling into a net (which is quite big, but which the footballer will usually miss). However, these birdbrained gentlemen, upon making a success of their footballing careers, find themselves absolutely stinking rich. <b>Christiano Ronaldo’s salary is </b></span></span><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>£11.3million.</b> I don’t believe such a vacant species should be so well-off, they couldn’t possibly be capable of spending such riches on anything worthwhile. It is not often that you hear of a football player donating any money to a good cause. I doubt they’ve heard of Africa, anyway. It seems grossly unfair that these footballing halfwits should be so wealthy. A Robin Hood type character is what is required. Mr Hood should steal their pennies away and give it to people doing jobs which do have a purpose, such as doctors, nurses, firemen and people of that nature. It’s not like the dimwits would notice. </span></span></span></div><div style="color: #333233; font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_x_LEeW_jmHA/THpGAwGFQXI/AAAAAAAAAHw/H9bzHEmIHyk/s1600/cristiano_ronaldo_757022.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_x_LEeW_jmHA/THpGAwGFQXI/AAAAAAAAAHw/H9bzHEmIHyk/s320/cristiano_ronaldo_757022.jpg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">(Google Images)<br />
Ronaldo: He smiles because he bathes in champagne.</td></tr>
</tbody></table><div style="color: #333233; font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>So that you don’t think I am being biased due to my hatred of the beautiful game I have obtained proof that the average footballer is so stupid he could forget to breathe at any moment: </b></span></span></span></div><div style="color: #333233; font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 14.0px; text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></span></span></div><div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">"If history repeats itself, I should think we can expect the same thing again." </span></span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Terry Venables</span></span></span></div><div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; line-height: 18.0px; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 14.0px; text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></span></span></div><div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; line-height: 18.0px; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">"They're the second best team in the world, and there's no higher praise than that."</span></span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> Kevin Keegan</span></span></span></div><div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; line-height: 18.0px; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 14.0px; text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></span></span></div><div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; line-height: 18.0px; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">"I definitely want Brooklyn to be christened, but I don't know into what religion yet." </span></span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">David Beckham</span></span></span></div><div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; line-height: 18.0px; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 14.0px; text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></span></span></div><div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; line-height: 18.0px; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">"I never make predictions, and I never will."</span></span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> Paul Gascoigne</span></span></span></div><div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; line-height: 18.0px; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 14.0px; text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></span></span></div><div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; line-height: 18.0px; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Fantastic</span></span></b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">.</span></span></span></div><div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; line-height: 18.0px; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 14.0px; text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></span></span></div><div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; line-height: 18.0px; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The footballer is an untrustworthy character. </span></span></b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">During 90 minutes of ball kicking the average footballer will feign life-threatening injury 35-40 times. (This is not a real statistic, I made it up). When the footballer is tapped on the side he will usually grasp his leg and throw himself to the ground, screaming and crying like the little girl he always wished he could be. Yet when a foul is called against the opposition he will leap up, cured as if by Jesus himself. His lack of intelligence lets him down in this area, he is yet to realise that the average broken leg is not fixed within the time it takes for a man in striped attire to take a teeny piece of coloured card from his pocket. </span></span></span></div><div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; line-height: 18.0px; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_x_LEeW_jmHA/THpGMKn9hDI/AAAAAAAAAH4/Hay6bgab_Uo/s1600/steven-gerrard_1107883c.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_x_LEeW_jmHA/THpGMKn9hDI/AAAAAAAAAH4/Hay6bgab_Uo/s320/steven-gerrard_1107883c.jpg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">(Google Images)<br />
Gerrard flying through the air in mock agony.</td></tr>
</tbody></table><div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; line-height: 18.0px; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Football is </span></span><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">dangerous</span></span></b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">. It turns the average middle aged man into a murderous, menacing creature. Within minutes of the commencement of the </span></span><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">game</span></span></b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> he will rise up off his seat and begin swearing and screaming at the innocent telybox, edging closer to it, his eyes brimming with fury and exasperation. </span></span><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">At this point it is worth remembering that you must not tell him it is only a game.</span></span></b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> He will be so full of outrage and indignation that he will probably be unable to stop himself from slicing your face off with the ringpull he has torn from his beer can, (which he needs in order to fully enjoy the tantrum he is having over the referee’s controversial decision) before bludgeoning you to death. If the game is going well and his team is kicking the ball as he would like he will rise up off his seat in the same manner and begin wailing encouraging noises at the telybox, inane phrases such as <i><b>“whip it in” </b></i>will start to fill the room, as well as noises similar to those a child makes during it’s first firework display... <b><i>“ooohhh”<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: normal;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-style: normal;">...</span></span> “ahh”</i></b> (but louder, of course. These are manly noises, made by men.)</span></span></span></div><div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; line-height: 18.0px; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 14.0px; text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></span></span></div><div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; line-height: 18.0px; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Football is a greedy sport.</span></span></b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> Even if it did stick to the football season this ‘season’ encompasses ten months of the year. It commences in August and finishes in May. That is not a season. That is the entire year with a short two month interlude for the footballer to take his wag to Mauritius. To then allow the interlude to be taken up by World Cup mania (despite the fact that England have not put in a reasonable performance in this tournament since 1966, which was a while ago) is preposterous. What if it gets worse, what if more tournaments start happening, and there is so much football that Sky Sports News cannot cover all the football? What if it begins to take over from real news leaving us with no knowledge of any events in the world other than the exploits of the footballers? What then? How will we cope? What will we do? Society could be in tatters within years. Therefore my request is a perfectly reasonable one. We must no longer be subject to all the football, all the time. Someone must put a stop to it. </span></span><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">It’s only a game, after all. </span></span></b></span></div><div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; line-height: 18.0px; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 14.0px; text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></span></span></div><div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; line-height: 18.0px; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">From Alexandra</span></span></span></div>Alexandra Colemanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17752619271680050379noreply@blogger.com12tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4188170933159867849.post-81900540828019856412010-08-27T16:35:00.005+01:002010-08-27T17:04:14.892+01:00And the Point of Perfume Adverts is...??<div style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande'; font-size: 11px; font: normal normal normal 12px/normal Helvetica; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: justify;"><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">It has come to my attention that the advertising of perfumes...and other smell based items on television is futile</span></span></b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">. I will now explain why, whilst trying to remain as calm as possible. </span></span></span></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><br />
</span> </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"></span></span></b></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"></span></span></span><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">Why is it that perfume adverts never say.. this smells like.. (insert smell here)? </span></span></b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">I don’t think I’ve ever seen one that gave any kind of indication as to the aroma they were trying to persuade me to purchase. It is similar to Levi Strauss attempting to market a pair of jeans by showing me a picture of a rubber duck. Insanity. The advertisement for Dolce & Gabbana's 'Light Blue' featured an almost naked couple locking lips in a dinghy. That was it. The man was wearing white pants trying to look all seductive and desirable. It didn’t work though due to the fact that he was clearly gay, yet canoodling with a lady. </span></span><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">I can’t stand the lies. </span></span></b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">Anyway, even if it was a lie (which it was).. or (theoretically) if it was true and they were actually very much in love.. by this point I had become distracted from the whole issue of the fact that I was supposed to be contemplating my imminent purchase of this perfume. Were they trying to say the perfume will make you smell sexy? Forget your inhibitions? Make out with gay men? I’m unsure. I don’t own a dinghy anyway. </span></span></div></div><div style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande'; font-size: 11px; font: normal normal normal 12px/normal Helvetica; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: justify;"><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"></span></span></div></div><div style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande'; font-size: 11px; font: normal normal normal 12px/normal Helvetica; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: justify;"><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mnBTLpf5UiU"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Dinghy Make Out Session</span></span></a></span></div></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_x_LEeW_jmHA/THfcdCFY1KI/AAAAAAAAAHY/_mw83U3B9QU/s1600/david-gandy.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="262" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_x_LEeW_jmHA/THfcdCFY1KI/AAAAAAAAAHY/_mw83U3B9QU/s400/david-gandy.JPG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">(Google Images)<br />
I refuse to believe that this is a straight man. </td></tr>
</tbody></table></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"></span></span></span></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></span></span></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></span></span></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></div><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span><br />
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span><br />
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><div style="font: normal normal normal 12px/normal Helvetica; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: justify;"><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">Another bothersome advertising campaign is that of Hugo Boss's "</span></span></b><i><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">Orange</span></span></b></i><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">" scent. </span></span></b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">It’s about time someone informed Mr Boss that whether or not Sienna Miller winks at me or dances around in an enthusiastic, slightly crazed manner I am still not going to purchase his delicious perfume</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> because, despite having viewed the advert more times than I'd like, I have no idea what it smells like. All I know is that he’s paid Miss Miller to dance about looking pleased with herself. Obviously the payment was substantial. Sienna can’t stop smirking. I hate the Beatles too. I think I hate cover versions of Beatles songs more than I hate the actual Beatles, and I hate the Beatles a lot. Anyway, even if I didn't hate the song, and the dancing, and the bits in between, I am still baffled as to the point of this advert. Oh wait it's named after a fruit. Perhaps this is the clue. It must smell of oranges. We might have just stumbled upon the reason for all the secrecy. Hugo has twigged that no one wants to smell like a fruit salad. Or is it named after the colour? Will we ever know?????</span></span><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> Quite the conundrum. </span></span></b></span></div></div></div><div style="font: normal normal normal 12px/normal Helvetica; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: justify;"><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"></span></span></div></div></div><div style="font: normal normal normal 12px/normal Helvetica; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: justify;"><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h9L_qgNO-LY"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Click here to see Sienna being all happy and that.</span></span></a></span></div></div></div></div><div style="font: normal normal normal 12px/normal Helvetica; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; min-height: 14px; text-align: justify;"><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></span></span></div></div></div><div style="font: normal normal normal 12px/normal Helvetica; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: justify;"></div></span><br />
<div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"></div></div><div style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande'; font-size: 11px; font: normal normal normal 12px/normal Helvetica; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; min-height: 14px; text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">I intend to make sure I inform Hugo and Dolce of their foolish errors at some point today, but I am very busy. When smellyvision is invented perfume adverts may return. </span></span></div><div style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande'; font-size: 11px; font: normal normal normal 12px/normal Helvetica; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: justify;"><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_x_LEeW_jmHA/THfbCD07HiI/AAAAAAAAAHQ/MJjKEkAlSHA/s1600/boss-orange-woman-sienna-miller.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_x_LEeW_jmHA/THfbCD07HiI/AAAAAAAAAHQ/MJjKEkAlSHA/s320/boss-orange-woman-sienna-miller.jpg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">(Google Images)<br />
If you look closely you might see a bottle of perfume in the corner of this picture of Sienna's face.</td></tr>
</tbody></table></div><div style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande'; font-size: 11px; font: normal normal normal 12px/normal Helvetica; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; min-height: 14px; text-align: justify;"><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></span></span></div></div><div style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande'; font-size: 11px; font: normal normal normal 12px/normal Helvetica; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: justify;"><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><b><u><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">Other adverts that should be banned:</span></span></u></b></span></div></div><div style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande'; font: normal normal normal 12px/normal Helvetica; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: justify;"><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><br />
</span> </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"></span></span></b></div></div><div style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande'; font: normal normal normal 12px/normal Helvetica; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: justify;"><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"></span></span></span><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">Car adverts</span></span></b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">. If I am looking to purchase a car I will research accordingly. You cannot convince someone who wasn’t going to buy a car to buy a car by showing them a picture of one spinning around in a darkened room/being driven by a scantily clad lady with a french accent.</span></span></div></div><div style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande'; font: normal normal normal 12px/normal Helvetica; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: justify;"><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><br />
</span> </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"></span></span></b></div></div><div style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande'; font: normal normal normal 12px/normal Helvetica; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: justify;"><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"></span></span><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">Go compare</span></span></b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">. </span></span><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F_-9QFvhQWo&feature=player_embedded"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">Click here to view.</span></span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> This</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> makes me scream. Out loud. It frightens the dog. </span></span></div></div><div style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande'; font: normal normal normal 12px/normal Helvetica; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: justify;"><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><br />
</span> </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"></span></span></div></div><div style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande'; font: normal normal normal 12px/normal Helvetica; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: justify;"><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"></span></span><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">Cash for Gold.</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: normal;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span></span></span><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=chj8vs90WfU&feature=player_embedded"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: normal;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">Clicky click.</span></span></span></a></b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> No I will not send all my gold to a stranger. Yes I knew my gold was worth money. However, if i was going to sell it I would be unlikely to put it in an envelope and ship it off to you, creepy magpie man. You look like a thief. And your tie is too big. Why do you keep saying </span></span><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">cold hard cash</span></span></b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">? Cash is made of a paper. That’s not hard. You can screw it up in a little ball if you please. Rocks and things made out of lead are hard. Paper is not. It’s not usually that cold either. I’d say it was about room temperature. They must keep all their cash in a fridge.</span></span></div></div><div style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande'; font: normal normal normal 12px/normal Helvetica; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: justify;"><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><br />
</span> </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"></span></span></b></div></div><div style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande'; font: normal normal normal 12px/normal Helvetica; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: justify;"><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"></span></span><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">The one with Iggy Pop</span></span></b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> that gives little clue as to what they’re actually trying to advertise, other than the fact that Mr Iggy of Pop should really not be doing topless adverts at his age, and that he’s sold out. I imagine they are trying to show us that too. Oh it’s called Swiftcover. Still no idea. </span></span><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d9fNh87Kg3I&feature=related"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">I could show you the real advert, but this is better.</span></span></a></div></div><div style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande'; font: normal normal normal 12px/normal Helvetica; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: justify;"><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><br />
</span> </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"></span></span></div></div><div style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande'; font: normal normal normal 12px/normal Helvetica; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: justify;"><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">Those ludicrous</span></span><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> Nintendo DS ones.</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: normal;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: normal;"><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6qqnO_3xWoc"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">Click & Cringe</span></span></a></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: normal;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">.</span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span></span></b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">These make me see red. I start scrawling Red Rum on mirrors. They feature celebrities such as Ant & Dec (who, like Iggy Pop are also clearly short on funds) sat around playing the Nintendo together. They look elated, due to the huge amounts of fun being produced by their little nintendo gadget. This is hard to swallow, hence </span></span><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">infuriating</span></span></b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">. We all know that when alone Ant & Dec in fact spend their time hissing </span></span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">“what has become of me”</span></span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> through a mist of tears.. once they sort out which one’s which, that is. Girls Aloud also sometimes put in an appearance on the DS adverts, and some teenagers who look around 17 playing a game definitely intended for 8 year olds where they dress up a little superhero and take it out fighting.. which is weird. They advertise the Wii in the same way. When they’re not telling you that Wii Fit will cause you to magically lose 12 stone they like to show groups of famous folk crowded around a Wii at some kind of mind numbing soiree. </span></span><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">They’re not fooling anyone. </span></span></b></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><br />
</span> </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"></span></span></b></div></div><div style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande';"></div><div style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande'; font-size: 11px; text-align: justify;"><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">From Alexandra</span></span></div></div>Alexandra Colemanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17752619271680050379noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4188170933159867849.post-58379411924789467422010-08-25T12:03:00.008+01:002010-08-25T13:12:05.875+01:00Alexandra Mourns the Passing of Big Brother.<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">Pathetic as it is the time has come for me to admit that I have been one of the three people avidly watching the exploits of the latest bunch of actual misfits and pretend misfits inhabiting Big Brother’s homestead. I have no job, no means of entertainment until September, and this programme is mildly more entertaining than looking out of the window at a field for an hour a day. This is a valid excuse.</span></span></span></div></div><div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><br />
</span> </span></span></div></div><table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_x_LEeW_jmHA/THT4KwMYvrI/AAAAAAAAAG0/sZgRinr0Nys/s1600/Big-Brother-2010-logo-006.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_x_LEeW_jmHA/THT4KwMYvrI/AAAAAAAAAG0/sZgRinr0Nys/s320/Big-Brother-2010-logo-006.jpg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">(Google Images)</span></span></td></tr>
</tbody></table><div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">Last night saw the tragic passing of my beloved daily hour of tely viewing. It was an anti-climax, as to be expected given that the final five were boring (JJ), weird (Andrew), creepy (Dave), creepier (Mario) and a normal person (Josie) who obviously won, with 77% of the vote, due to the fact that her fellow contestants were weird, creepy and creepier. I knew she would win because William Hill said to me if you give me £1000 to bet on Josie I will give you £50 if she wins. That means she is going to win. I know about betting now. </span></span></span></div></div><div style="font: normal normal normal 12px/normal Helvetica; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; min-height: 14px; text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></span></span></div><div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">In order to make the show more interesting the producers, for some reason, decided to include many a montage avec lashings of cheese. The kind of cheese that smells a little bit like feet. Possibly Stilton. It was very cheesy. So nauseatingly cheesy I felt I should’ve been warned to fetch a bucket before the show began. They used songs such as that one that Glee wrecked, </span></span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">“Don’t Stop Believing” </span></span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">with the creepy, weird, boring housemates giving speeches about how much they had learnt about themselves whilst in the Big Brother House in the background. </span></span><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">I left the room at this point to have a cup of tea. </span></span></b></span></div></div><div style="font: normal normal normal 12px/normal Helvetica; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; min-height: 14px; text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></span></span></div><div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">Whenever someone is evicted from the house Davina stares intensely into their eyes and says this sentence.. “</span></span><b><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">what did you learn about yourself from the Big Brother experience?</span></span></i></b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">” What? You mean what did they learn whilst sat in a house not going out, or doing anything, except dressing up in a shit costume and doing a shit task in the hope of winning some money to spend on biscuits? Nothing. That’s what they learnt. Nothing can be learnt this way. This is almost as irritating as when a person goes to Thailand (or other touristy backpacking gap yah destination) in order to </span></span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">find themselves. </span></span></i><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">You are more likely to </span></span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">find yourself</span></span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> in a bowl of soup. </span></span></b></span></div></div><div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 14.0px;"><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><b></b></span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><br />
</span> </span></div></div><div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">After this bit the housemates had one of those parties that they do so often in Big Brother, you know the ones that make you cringe, where they dance around with all the lights on, slightly tipsy but acting completely smashed, and get excited to the point of combustion when any song plays. It was even weirder/creepier/more boring given the party guests. </span></span><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">Sigh</span></span></b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">. </span></span></span></div></div><div style="font: normal normal normal 12px/normal Helvetica; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; min-height: 14px; text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></span></span></div><div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">Then came the time to remove the misfits from the freak show and chuck them back in the real world so that they might go on to do great things, like </span></span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">Nuts</span></span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> magazine, and then disappear into obscurity once more, never to be heard of again. </span></span><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">Please dear god don’t let</span></span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> ‘the glory’</span></span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> ever be heard of again. </span></span></b></span></div></div><div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 14.0px;"><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><b></b></span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><br />
</span> </span></div></div><div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">First out was Andrew, the caricature of an Oxford maths geek, complete with ginger hair, pasty skin and glasses. </span></span><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: normal;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">I am glad not many people voted for him because he microwaved a piece of fruit, then had sexual intercourse with it, then went on national TV and told people that he had done this.</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span></span></b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">He also informed the public that he had violated various other desserts, notably an apple pie. That is not the talk of a winner. JJ was next to be evicted, he was boring and apparently a boxer but he did not hit anyone so this point makes him sadly no more interesting. Oh there was some kind of private joke between him and Aston, the short one from JLS, which was </span></span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">so</span></span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> lol. Mario ventured out next wearing something I can only assume he had recently nicked off the Tweenies. It had a lot of butterflies stuck to it. Big ones, sticking out at all angles. Looked bizarre it did. He seemed devastated that he had not won. </span></span><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">Arrogant pervert. </span></span></b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">After this someone finally evicted Dave the monk. This is a man who actually claimed he was </span></span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">‘</span></span></i><b><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">drunk on God’s love’</span></span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span></span></b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">throughout the series, before rolling around cackling in a mock inebriated fashion in the garden. Who was voting for him?</span></span></span></div></div><div style="font: normal normal normal 12px/normal Helvetica; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; min-height: 14px; text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></span></span></div><div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">Josie then won, got reunited with John James.. had a little kiss and went back into the house within twenty minutes to begin ULTIMATE BIG BROTHER. John James was unfortunately still wearing eye liner because he thinks he looks like David Beckham. </span></span><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">No comment. </span></span></b></span></div></div><div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><br />
</span> </span></b></span></div></div><table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_x_LEeW_jmHA/THT4R4KF9aI/AAAAAAAAAG8/CV6GuDWsRMA/s1600/big_brothers_josie_1152176.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_x_LEeW_jmHA/THT4R4KF9aI/AAAAAAAAAG8/CV6GuDWsRMA/s320/big_brothers_josie_1152176.jpg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">(Google Images)</span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The winner - She was less weird than the rest.. but still fairly weird.</span></span></td></tr>
</tbody></table><div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">Ultimate Big Brother</span></span></b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> is what the producers of Big Brother appear to have decided would be more entertaining than normal Big Brother. This is their a last-ditch attempt to make the programme popular with viewers. </span></span><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">It reeks of desperation. </span></span></b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">Josie is now back in the house, all excitable and screechy, with ten apparently famous housemates of Big Brother’s gone by. They aren’t famous though, as you may have expected. In a similar theme of the Celebrity Big Brother which has in actual fact never contained a real celebrity, these ‘ultimate housemates’ are mainly soulless rejects of past series whose five minutes of fame have run out and are therefore gagging to get back into the house to promote some kind of crap album/TV presenting career/showing off boobs type job.</span></span></span></div></div><div style="font: normal normal normal 12px/normal Helvetica; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; min-height: 14px; text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></span></span></div><div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">The ULTIMATE housemates are as follows: </span></span><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">1. Chantelle </span></span></b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">- All I remember about her is that she was married to that Ordinary Boys twerp, Preston, who stomped off in a sequin encrusted waistcoat in the middle of </span></span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">Never Mind The Buzzcocks</span></span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> when Simon Amstell began reading extracts from Chantelles disgusting autobiography. This was a magical moment. I’m with Amstell. Who let her write her autobiography? She is not a person of interest. Can she even hold a pen? </span></span><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">Preston</span></span></b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">, incidentally, was housemate number two which was good because they are now divorced which made for an exceptionally awkward meeting on live television with Josie standing there looking confused but still excited. Then there was </span></span><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">3. Nadia</span></span></b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">, that scary transvestite one. </span></span><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">4. Brian</span></span></b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">, token over the top gay man which must appear in every series (presumably Mario’s replacement) </span></span><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">5. Ulrika Johnson..</span></span></b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">? Has she even been in Big Brother? </span></span><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">6. Makosi</span></span></b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">, who actually said that women dislike her because of her “unattainable body.” It is attainable Makosi, they are called breast implants and I’m pretty sure they’re attainable by anyone with more money than brain cells. Idiot. She also did pretend sex when she was in Big Brother for some reason. Idiot. </span></span><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">7. John McCrick</span></span></b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> was in next because everyone hates him and he seems to get off on this. </span></span><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">8. Coolio,</span></span></b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> did a little rap before entering, which I probably could have done better myself, and I am not an established rapper. Also I am white. </span></span><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">9. Nikki Graeme</span></span></b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">, that noisy twiglet from a few years ago. </span></span><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">10. Nick Bateman</span></span></b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">, he is from the first ever Big Brother, tres vintage. He got thrown out and called </span></span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">‘Nasty Nick’ </span></span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">for cheating which is naughty. I have already chosen him as my favourite, however, because he was not selected for being a complete nutcase, he featured in Big Brother at the start. This is when the programme was a psychological experiment rather than the parade of deperate wannabes it has become in recent years. Thus Nick is probably an alright chap...</span></span></span></div></div><div style="font: normal normal normal 12px/normal Helvetica; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; min-height: 14px; text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></span></span></div><div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">Big Brother then gave the ULTIMATE housemates champagne and they all stood around having a chitchat, probably name-dropping their faces off, in a scene which can only be described as an awkward looking cocktail party at the intergalactic cafe. I wonder what scandalous drama awaits. (If any).</span></span></span><br />
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"></span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">From Alexandra</span></div></div><div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"></div>Alexandra Colemanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17752619271680050379noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4188170933159867849.post-58226958523806470992010-08-24T11:31:00.016+01:002010-08-24T15:11:04.981+01:00Why the future is not written in the stars.<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-align: justify;"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">Astrology is a curious artform. </span></span></b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">Is it an artform? I’m not sure. Oh, wikipedia is saying it is. Then it must be. Basically these people, astrologers they like to call themselves.. who will usually have grey, unbrushed wispy locks, be slightly overweight and wear too much jewellery </span></span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">“believe that the movements and positions of celestial bodies either directly influence life on </span></span></i><a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Earth"><span style="text-decoration: underline;"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: black;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">Earth</span></span></span></i></span></a><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> or correspond to events experienced on a human scale” </span></span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">(States Wikipedia - therefore fact.) I feel sceptical about this. No, actually I think its a load of old tripe dreamt up by someone presumably on some kind of narcotic (or several) who held some sort of importance at the time (long ago.. like in stonehenge times I reckon) thus attracted believers. I expect this is the reason why we are now faced with cretins like Russell Grant, fat pyschic extraordinaire, telling us what will happen to us today in a vague yet opinionated manner. </span></span></div><div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><br />
</span> </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span></span></span></div><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_x_LEeW_jmHA/THOezu-YM2I/AAAAAAAAAGU/2e_G2l2RX70/s1600/astrology.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_x_LEeW_jmHA/THOezu-YM2I/AAAAAAAAAGU/2e_G2l2RX70/s320/astrology.jpg" /></span></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">(Google Images)</span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">Wheel of Fortune?</span></span></td></tr>
</tbody></table><div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">The thing which baffles me about horoscopes and other completely make believe pyschic ‘artforms’ is that I know, absolutely definitely for certain and for sure, that they are not true. They are the ramblings of a middle aged human being with no sixth sense and too many crystals. </span></span><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">So why do I always read them?</span></span></b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> Whenever sat in a doctors surgery or a dentists, or any other waiting-based activity faced with a tired looking magazine the likelihood is that I will have a sneaky peek at the predictions for this month, hoping it will tell of good fortune, love and success. Usually it does, but shortly afterwards I am forced to confront the reality that I am no more likely to win the lottery this month, whether the fat psychic tells me that Mars is in a good place right now or not. </span></span></span><br />
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</span></span></span></div><div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">Horoscopes occupy the last page of just about every bubblegum coloured magazine on sale. I recently purchased a copy of Grazia. I don’t usually buy this because it has a kind of One Show like quality <b></b>in that it goes.. heres some lovely shoes, a nice jacket, pictures of a few emaciated models in unimaginably expensive clothing and.. Oh! The next pages feature a graphic report on “</span></span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">the horror of the British cutting parties,</span></span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">” a frankly disturbing article on female genital mutilation. </span></span><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">This puts me on edge.</span></span></b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> I just wanted a magazine for my waiting-based activity (long car journey) but you are showing me scary things that make me cross my legs. </span></span><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">You are a magazine, Grazia, you are not newsnight. Know your place</span></span></b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">. (This is true. In the August issue of Grazia. Have a look, in your local newsagent. Don’t buy it though. It’s horrid.) Once I had got over the horror stories amidst the fashion news I had a little look at what to expect for this month, according to the church of balderdash. It said this, </span></span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">“Instead of being embarrassed that you’re in a position to make some money, remind yourself that others will benefit from it too.” </span></span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">I am still awaiting this promised cheque. I can safely say no one has benefitted from it as yet, seen as it hasn’t arrived and never will, but if it does I’ll be sure to donate to the flood victims of Pakistan, or something.</span></span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">Yesterday my horoscope said to me, </span></span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">“your partner will turn on you if you aren’t sensitive to him or her.” </span></span></i><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">This is a threat. </span></span></b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">It might as well have been written out of cut up newspaper clippings. What does Russell Grant know about my partner? And what about all the Gemini’s who are single? They must’ve been angry about Mr Grant’s mistake.</span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span></span><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_x_LEeW_jmHA/THPMrlIKG6I/AAAAAAAAAGs/9uKp1Zwb9W0/s1600/showpic.asp.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_x_LEeW_jmHA/THPMrlIKG6I/AAAAAAAAAGs/9uKp1Zwb9W0/s320/showpic.asp.jpeg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">(Google Images)</span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">Russell Grant: Regard. He is fat, and a pyschic</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">.</span></span></td></tr>
</tbody></table><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">The names of star signs confuse me. My birthday is in May, which makes me a Gemini. This is fortunate because I’d be worried if I was a cancer. However, Gemini is apparently </span></span><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">‘the sign of the twins’</span></span></b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">. Throughout my childhood I took this to mean that I was a twin, seperated at birth, and spent more time than I should have searching for half a locket that I presumed my parents had hidden, in order that I might be presented with it on my 18th birthday. This also supported a personal theory that I had been adopted. I couldn’t possibly get my head around being any sort of blood relative of my darling brother.</span></span><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> Parent trap only confirmed my suspicions.</span></span></b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> I watched it several times so that when the time came for me to meet my twin, I would be prepared.</span></span></span><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_x_LEeW_jmHA/THOfMRFFFmI/AAAAAAAAAGk/0hQOztt2iY4/s1600/ds-russell-grants-astrology.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_x_LEeW_jmHA/THOfMRFFFmI/AAAAAAAAAGk/0hQOztt2iY4/s320/ds-russell-grants-astrology.jpg" /></span></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">(Google Images)</span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">The Russell Grant game. Really?</span></span><br />
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</tbody></table><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span></span></span><br />
<span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"></span></span></span><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">Descriptions of personality traits typical to star signs are fantastic. Mine says, “</span></span></span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">the people who were born in this period are widely known for their dual personalities and ability to change mood from moment to moment.”</span></span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> You are saying I have different moods? Goodness gracious, I </span></span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">do</span></span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> have different moods! Sometimes happy, sometimes sad, angry on occasion. You’ve read me like a book. </span></span><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">Call me a cab, I must be off to worship at the church of balderdash forthright! </span></span></b><br />
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</span> </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span></span><br />
<b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"></span></span></b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">The only thing better than having your personality explained according to your star sign is that advert on MTV where a slutty girl (yes, I can tell by her voice) orders you to text your star sign and your partner’s star sign to a premium rate number. In return said slutty girl promises to predict the future of your relationship based entirely on... </span></span><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">nothing</span></span></b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">. I think after that you are bombarded with texts which you pay for and they take all your phone credit away, leaving you poverty stricken, possibly homeless, but safe in the knowledge that you and your partner are definitely compatible and will be together forever and for always. </span></span><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">Amen</span></span></b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">. </span></span></div><div style="font: normal normal normal 12px/normal Helvetica; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; min-height: 14px; text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></span></span></div><div style="font: normal normal normal 12px/normal Helvetica; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">Whatever happened to Mystic Meg anyway?</span></span></b></span></div><div style="font: normal normal normal 12px/normal Helvetica; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; min-height: 14px; text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></span></span></div><div style="font: normal normal normal 12px/normal Helvetica; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">From Alexandra</span></span></span></div>Alexandra Colemanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17752619271680050379noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4188170933159867849.post-14259690574999260452010-08-23T14:22:00.015+01:002010-08-23T15:40:49.826+01:00Alexandra wonders why the TV keeps telling her to lose weight.<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">On two occassions every year the telybox kindly reminds us that we are fat, grotesque creatures, and need to lose weight. A lot of weight. </span></span><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Quickly</span></span></b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">. </span></span></span></div><div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 14.0px; text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></span></span></div><div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>The first barrage of dieting propaganda takes place after Christmas. </b></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">This is when we are expected to have stuffed ourselves so full of turkey, followed by a mince pie binge so obscene that we have gained five to ten stone, thus are in desperate need of a crash diet to regain our former svelte physique.</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> This comes shortly after an onslaught of advertisements instructing us that we need to eat more food, because it is Christmas, and no one is to have any weight concerns over Christmas. It is not a time of moderation. </span></span><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Jesus apparently loved mulled wine, chocolate log and a good fruit cake, on fire, after dinner. </span></span></b></span><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_x_LEeW_jmHA/THJ2TQa7CTI/AAAAAAAAAF8/OWFEsGnLWHc/s1600/christmas_food.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_x_LEeW_jmHA/THJ2TQa7CTI/AAAAAAAAAF8/OWFEsGnLWHc/s320/christmas_food.jpg" /></span></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">(Google Images)<br />
I think Jesus liked turkey.</span></td></tr>
</tbody></table><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"></span></span></b></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The second bombardment starts in early may. </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">It ordinarily coincides with the commencement of hayfever, a terrible affliction whereby pollen completely clogs up our eyes, leaving us blind and vulnerable, whilst simulataneously instructing the contents of our noses to run away as our brain presumably swells to twice its normal size in order to generate the great pain caused by a hayfever headache.</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> This alone begins to ruin any hope of fun in the sun. We feel insecure immediately during this time due to the effects various hayfever symptoms are having on our face, combined with the burnt complexion which we will undoubtedly be sporting as soon as the sun comes out. </span></span><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: normal;">Telybox knows this, and exploits it in an unkind manner. He says to us, not only are you ridden with hayfever, not only is your pasty British skin red and sore.. but you are also</span> <i>disgustingly</i> fat.</span></span></b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> I know I told you this after Christmas, but since then you stuffed your little chops full of easter eggs didn’t you, and I have not forgotten about this, oh no. Therefore another cruel campaign begins, focussed on destroying all naive confidence we may have had, instructing us that we now absolutely </span></span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">must</span></span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> lose weight because soon we might be strutting around in swimwear and <b>waddling around half naked in our current state would put us in grave danger of causing offence to other members of the public. </b></span></span><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_x_LEeW_jmHA/THJ2fzXpiBI/AAAAAAAAAGE/DC5JaceQ5rI/s1600/slim-fast.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_x_LEeW_jmHA/THJ2fzXpiBI/AAAAAAAAAGE/DC5JaceQ5rI/s320/slim-fast.jpg" /></span></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">(Google Images)<br />
A feast in a can.</span></span></td></tr>
</tbody></table></div><div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 14.0px; text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The advertisement which grates on me in particular is that of the inexplicably popular, miraculously idiotic phenomenon that is the slim-fast diet. This advert tells me that by replacing two of my meals with a milkshake, and then eating vegetables and some sort of steamed fish for the third meal... I will lose weight. This makes me want to punch myself in the face. Obviously I would lose weight if I did this.</span></span><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> I would probably also lose weight if I ate two meals instead of three, or did some exercise, or cut off my arm. </span></span></b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I am amazed that people exist, and not just some people, a lot of people, who think this is a novel idea and line Mr Slim-Fast’s pockets (I presume this is the inventor’s name) with their money whilst they embark on this bizarre regime. But that's not all that annoys me about these milkshakes. I believe that if you are successful in convincing people that drinking two of these shakes per day is a good idea you must have some sort of duty of care to them, due to the fact that their IQ’s are clearly dangerously low.<b> </b>A slim fast shake has about the same nutritional value as a cardboard box. </span></span><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Actually I think one might gain more vitamins from eating the aluminum can which encases this sordid snack. <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: normal;">I therefore find the marketing of this milky treat as a healthy alternative to real food somewhat worrying. </span></span></span></b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The ingredients of a <i>“delicious slim fast meal” </i>are as follows: <i>Skimmed Milk Powder Sugar, Maltodextrin, Vegetable Oil, Lactose, Inulin, Thickeners (Gum Arabic, Xantham Gum, Guar Gum), Lactose, Bulking Agent (Cellulose), Milk Proteins, Stabilisers (Sodium Carbroxy Menthyl Cellulose, Dipotassium Phosphate), Strawberry Powder (0.7%) Emulsifier (Soya Lecithin), Vitamins and Minerals*, Modified Maize Starch, Flavourings, Antioxidants (Tocopherol-rich Extract, Sodium Ascorbate). *Vitamins and Minerals: Vitamin C, Magnesium Oxide, Vitamin E, Ferrous Sulphate, Niacin, Zinc Oxide, Copper Gluconate, Pantothenic Acid, Vitamin B6, Vitamin A, Manganese Sulphate, Thiamin, Riboflavin, Folic Acid, Biotin, Potassium Iodine, Sodium Selenite, Vitamin D.</i> </span></span><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Well doesn’t that sounds delicious </span></span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">and</span></span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> nutritious. </span></span></b></div><div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 14.0px; text-align: justify;"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></span></b></div><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_x_LEeW_jmHA/THJ2xArpWzI/AAAAAAAAAGM/RCrnzM8VYcw/s1600/article-0-048B1FC70000044D-794_224x312.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_x_LEeW_jmHA/THJ2xArpWzI/AAAAAAAAAGM/RCrnzM8VYcw/s320/article-0-048B1FC70000044D-794_224x312.jpg" /></span></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">(Google Images)<br />
I DON'T WANT A SLIMMER WAIST FOR SUMMER.</span></td></tr>
</tbody></table><div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 14.0px; text-align: justify;"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The Special K diet also gets my blood pressure rising.</span></span></b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> In this one a bossy lady in a red swimsuit demands that you <i>“love your holiday shape in two weeks”</i>. Whats wrong with my holiday shape as it is? I must admit t</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">his one is slightly less stupid than the crackhead Slim-Fast milkshake regime but it works under the same ludicrous premise as slim fast, in that it encourages </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">chubby folk to eat cereal instead of dinner. </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Thus, they will <b>miraculously</b> lose weight. Presumably this works best if you would have had a donner kebab and chips for dinner, and are now eating special K instead. Why is it that people do not think to themselves, if eating cereal for dinner causes me to lose weight this is probably due to the fact that I am eating fewer calories than I would ordinarily have been eating. Therefore I could probably just eat a more healthy meal which didn’t originate in a factory allowing me some variety in my diet plan as well as vitamins and such like, meaning I will be less likely to get scurvy but also more likely to lose weight. </span></span><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Goodness, what a thought. </span></span></b></div><div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 14.0px; text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></span></span></div><div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">From Alexandra </span></span></span></div><div><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><br />
</span></div>Alexandra Colemanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17752619271680050379noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4188170933159867849.post-60543692078523739972010-08-21T14:53:00.004+01:002010-08-21T15:11:06.424+01:00Alexandra gets all political.<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: medium;">Earlier this year a general election happened. I don’t know if you noticed but there was much hoo-har about it at the time, in newspapers and such like. <b>Despite my disgraceful ignorance of the British legal system I was allowed one vote.</b> This is because I am 18 and therefore expected to be able to make important decisions. This is wrong. I am completely incapable of making any kind of informed decision about.. anything. Especially politics. Prior to some chap in a nice suit on the telybox going on and on and ON about a coalition I had never heard of such a thing. I thought the one that got most votes would win and that would be that. It seems tis a bit more complicated than I had anticipated. </span></div></div><div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: medium;"><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_x_LEeW_jmHA/TG_ZgLJnZ2I/AAAAAAAAAFM/lxQaYbGDFoQ/s1600/election-2010-the-polls-7041602300.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_x_LEeW_jmHA/TG_ZgLJnZ2I/AAAAAAAAAFM/lxQaYbGDFoQ/s320/election-2010-the-polls-7041602300.jpg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">(Google Images)<br />
Notice Cameron is the only one with a suntan, so he must be alright. </td></tr>
</tbody></table><div style="font: normal normal normal 12px/normal Helvetica; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; min-height: 14px; text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></span></span></div><div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>What I would like to know is who decided that all 18 year olds are politically aware enough to help decide the future of our wonderful motherland, and why.</b> I don’t think most will have a clue what they are voting for. Actually, I think a substantial proportion of voters of all ages might as well be blindfolded when putting their cross on the ballot paper, for all they know of the policies of the party they are voting for. Therefore I have come to the decision that there must be a better way of deciding who the next prime minister should be... like a tombola or something. This would combine entertainment and politics. The election coverage would be much better for all concerned. Or alternatively (and this is my preferred option) we could host some kind of Big Brother style show, to fill the void that the end of this years programme will leave. Lets put all the candidates in 10 Downing Street and then evict one each week until we are left with the winner, who shalt be crowned Mr Prime Minister and lead us to <b>victory</b>. </span></span></span></div></div><div style="font: normal normal normal 12px/normal Helvetica; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; min-height: 14px; text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></span></span></div><div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I think there should be a test before you are allowed to vote.. some kind of pop quiz to see if you actually know what you’re talking about. I suppose an IQ test could suffice. The same should apply to whether you’re allowed to have children actually, I fear the Jeremy Kyle brigade is beginning to outnumber those with a brain. <b>There might be a civil war soon.</b> Like in planet of the apes. I think they could win. The Kyle folk look fierce and know how to use knives. </span></span></span></div></div><div style="font: normal normal normal 12px/normal Helvetica; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; min-height: 14px; text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></span></span></div><div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I’ve never taken much of an interest in politics. It always seemed completely irrelevant to me. Of late I have become aware that it is probably a bit more important than I had expected, what with me now being a graduate with little to no hope of ever finding a graduate job, due to the financial shambles which I am reliably informed (by Dave) was caused by Tony Blair and Gordon.<b> A recent headline said there are 69 applicants per graduate job.</b> Many graduate employers won’t even consider an applicant without a First or 2.1. This makes me annoyed. Tony wanted everyone to go to university. He thought this meant everything would be better for everyone. All the world will be a graduate and we will be a very clever country. However, why did no one at the time think to themselves... hang about, <i>won’t this have some kind of effect on the value of a degree? How will the universities cope with this massive expansion? Will the amount of graduate jobs rise in proportion with the increased amount of graduates each year?</i> No. No they did not. This appears to have come as a massive surprise. <b>The class of 2010 is in a pickle.</b> Now it seems that if you didn’t get a 2.1 in your degree you might as well not have one for all the use it will do you. <b>Thus a large proportion of graduates have nothing to show for their last three years but astronomical debt, an STD and a hangover.</b> Tony should be giving out refunds.</span></span></span></div></div><div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_x_LEeW_jmHA/TG_Z1w1qclI/AAAAAAAAAFU/zer5V3Jz-eQ/s1600/images-3.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_x_LEeW_jmHA/TG_Z1w1qclI/AAAAAAAAAFU/zer5V3Jz-eQ/s320/images-3.jpeg" width="249" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">(Google Images)<br />
Dave said this man is the cause of all our distress. </td></tr>
</tbody></table><div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>I have faith that Dave will sort out the graduate job market, and the economy, and everything else that Tony ruined. </b>This is because his face has a mirror like quality. You should always trust a man if you can see your reflection in his face. As for Clegg, he wears a yellow tie. No one in a yellow tie ever led a country. Thats all I can say. (because I am not really interested enough to do any kind of valid research on anything remotely political, but obviously still have an opinion.)</span></span></span></div></div><div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></span></span></div></div><div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">From Alexandra</span></span></span></div></div><div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_x_LEeW_jmHA/TG_aHTTdPrI/AAAAAAAAAFc/ouwiLOKn9mA/s1600/david_cameron_1292386c.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_x_LEeW_jmHA/TG_aHTTdPrI/AAAAAAAAAFc/ouwiLOKn9mA/s320/david_cameron_1292386c.jpg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">(Google Images)<br />
A sparkling forehead is the key to success.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>Alexandra Colemanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17752619271680050379noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4188170933159867849.post-2341451182398237912010-08-17T12:30:00.005+01:002010-08-18T13:09:26.414+01:00Festivals - and why I hate them.<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">Every time someone asks me if I am going to a festival this summer I die a little bit inside. </span></b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">I cannot get my head around why these weekends are so popular. What you are asking me, essentially, is if I too have agreed to pay the price of a small house in order to spend two nights in a field attempting sleep in a canvas cage. If I’m lucky I might be able to rest my head on a rock. During the night sounds of shouting, fighting and vomiting will entertain my tent friends and I, ensuring all will be cranky and tired in the morning. Not to worry though, I knew this, and brought red bull for this exact purpose. During the daytime we will be queuing mostly. Upon reaching the front of the queue we will be ripped off and leave, burger/drink in hand, feeling <b>violated and abused</b>. At V festival in 2007 I actually paid £7.50 for a grease sandwich. I paid this because I was hungry and had been queuing for around half an hour. I did not enjoy my snackette. </span><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">The fury gave me indigestion. </span></b></span></span><br />
<span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><br />
</span> </b></span></span><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_x_LEeW_jmHA/TGp0UPxX9zI/AAAAAAAAAFE/NYkzQUKeQnw/s1600/n508057179_691046_7125.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="300" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_x_LEeW_jmHA/TGp0UPxX9zI/AAAAAAAAAFE/NYkzQUKeQnw/s400/n508057179_691046_7125.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">People who have paid hundreds of pounds to sit in a field.</td></tr>
</tbody></table><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">This year if one wishes to voluntarily attend Reading Festival it will cost around £250. Why not go on holiday instead? <b>Or stay at home?</b> Once you have arrived at the fun house you are destined to spend the entire time queuing for vouchers. These will then be used when you reach the front of the gigantic queue for the voucher bar, <b>where you will be charged approximately two hundred pounds for a plastic bottle containing wine which will undoubtedly taste like paint stripper but which you will drink anyway, because you are parched and need to get sufficiently paraletic before any enjoyment of the festival can occur. </b></span></span></div><div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><br />
</span> </span></span><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_x_LEeW_jmHA/TGpzrLYKyAI/AAAAAAAAAE8/NhzKfETiyKc/s1600/images-2.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="239" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_x_LEeW_jmHA/TGpzrLYKyAI/AAAAAAAAAE8/NhzKfETiyKc/s320/images-2.jpeg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">(Google Images)</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">People having 'fun'</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">. </span></td></tr>
</tbody></table><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">I suppose the main reason for attending festivals is to see bands and dance about in uncomfortable proximity to strangers who have not showered for two or three days. </span></b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">Although this is gross, it is understandable for festivals such as Reading and Leeds, not so much for V Festival. Cheryl Cole was supposed to be headlining this year. In a cruel twist of fate Cheryl contracted malaria and MAY NOT be well enough to present the X Factor this year, let alone headline V. Hopefully with counselling we will all overcome this news, life is full of hurdles. But really, why was she headlining? Who is it that has not yet realised that Miss Cole is not good at singing, or dancing, or performing, or entertaining, or whatever it is she is attempting to do. She is famous because she is nice to look at, but at a festival one cannot hope to come anywhere near enough to the stage to actually see the face of the performer. I presume Scouting for Girls will be taking her place as they seem to show up at V every single year without fail despite the fact that no one has liked them for a number of years. </span></span></div><div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><br />
</span> </span></span><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_x_LEeW_jmHA/TGpzhrm1_9I/AAAAAAAAAE0/wTcjIwEr32E/s1600/images-1.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_x_LEeW_jmHA/TGpzhrm1_9I/AAAAAAAAAE0/wTcjIwEr32E/s320/images-1.jpeg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">(Google Images)</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">Pandora's Box. </span></td></tr>
</tbody></table><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">After some sweaty dancing with strangers, where one spends the entire time distracted by the constant need to dodge flying bottles of urine, there will come a time when you too need to use the toilet.</span></b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> This is the point during the festival where I am overcome by fear and anxiety, and start to prepare myself for the worst. Fortunately there is plenty of time for this because the portaloo area is a popular festival haunt, thus you are likely to spend around an hour queuing for the pleasure of its services. Last time I attended a festival I reached the front of the queue and dithered about which portaloo would be preferable. As I started to feel lightheaded from holding my breath for a number of minutes I tentatively approached a green plastic door. I reached for the handle and a man behind me shouted <i>“NOOOOoooooOOOOoooo!!!!”</i><b><i> </i></b></span><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">In my haste to back away from the offending portaloo I almost lost my balance and fell in mud.</span></b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><b> </b>The next person to approach the door was not warned in time. The sight was not a pretty one. <b>The walls of this little green tomb were caked in excrement.</b> I don’t know how things like this can happen but I imagine someone had been quite unwell a few hours previously. All those who had been in high proximity to this </span><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">monstrosity</span></b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> turned a pea green colour as they too started to worry about their turn. I searched for some time for a toilet which did not make me wretch but was unable to find one, eventually giving up, shutting my eyes and holding my nose until the ordeal was over. Needless to say I was reluctant to consume any fluids for the rest of the day as this was not an experience I was willing to repeat, ever, in my life, ever. </span><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">I was reduced to peeing in a field, like a dog. </span></b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">I cannot comprehend why, when the ticket prices, and prices of everything in the festival arena (a programme is £10) are so exorbitant, the portaloos cannot be cleaned more regularly, or be more plentiful so one does not have to queue for an hour to wee. It makes me enraged and disgusted, but mostly </span><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">enraged</span></b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">. </span></span></div><div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 14.0px; text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></span></span></div><div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">The only memories I can recall of V Festival are those of repulsion, horror and outrage. Oodles of cash were ripped from my clutching hands, constantly, for two days. As I left, covered in grime and mud, tired and grumpy, I felt as though I’d been robbed. I can’t understand the pleasure which some appear to gain from festival attendance. I wonder what such people are thinking. I continue to wonder for some time and can come up with no legitimate reason for any fun being had at these events. </span><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">So no, I am not going to any festivals this summer.</span></b></span></span></div><div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 14.0px; text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></span></span></div><div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">From Alexandra</span></span></span></div>Alexandra Colemanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17752619271680050379noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4188170933159867849.post-59241529127562383712010-08-16T16:15:00.023+01:002010-08-18T21:30:01.631+01:00Taylor Momsen - You what you what???<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">Despite feeling I should encourage all of Momsen’s past, present and future endeavours as a result of the loyalty I feel towards all those involved in the production of Gossip Girl (worlds best TV programme, like, ever) Momsen’s recent antics have begun to make me shudder. She is giving Gossip Girl a bad name and I do not like this at all. In fact I am <b>fuming</b> about it.</span></span></span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><br />
</span> </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span></span></span></div><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_x_LEeW_jmHA/TGlWqkdX3II/AAAAAAAAAEk/uYWiUAhyJdI/s1600/xoxo-gossip-girl-gossip-girl-6634418-328-328.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_x_LEeW_jmHA/TGlWqkdX3II/AAAAAAAAAEk/uYWiUAhyJdI/s320/xoxo-gossip-girl-gossip-girl-6634418-328-328.jpg" /></span></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">(Google Images)</span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">xoxo</span></span></td></tr>
</tbody></table><div style="text-align: justify;"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">Momsen is seventeen, however she began some kind of ludicrous campaign to inform the world that she is edgy and unpredictable at the grand age of sixteen.</span></span></b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> This is too young. It means her campaign has lacked integrity from the start. Her fantastically bad attempts to sound like the person she wants us to think she is have been brought to my attention mainly through the bizarre comments she makes during interviews. The theme which emerges is one of a supposedly uncaring attitude. Upon being asked if she felt under pressure due to her (unexplained) fame, this is what actually left her mouth, </span></span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">"there is if you care, but if you do what I do, you just don't give a shit… Can I not say that?"</span></span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> This comment is intended to make her public think something along the lines of... </span><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">‘Omg Taylor, you are like so totally hardcore, even though you’re only sixteen and your claim to fame is that you played Cindy Lou Who in </span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">The Grinch</span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">.’</span></b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> It doesn’t work, due to the fact that not everyone watching is completely </span></span><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">can’tevenstringasentencetogether stupid</span></span></b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">. </span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><br />
</span> </span><br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_x_LEeW_jmHA/TGld488ssJI/AAAAAAAAAEs/ACXFm5xjnpQ/s1600/cindy_lou_who_taylor_momsen.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_x_LEeW_jmHA/TGld488ssJI/AAAAAAAAAEs/ACXFm5xjnpQ/s320/cindy_lou_who_taylor_momsen.jpg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">(Google Images)</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">Cindy Lou Who!</span></td></tr>
</tbody></table><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">I believe we are supposed to be jealous of the confidence Momsen is oozing everywhere and wish we too did not worry about what others thought of us. Momsen thinks this will gain her oodles of respect I imagine. Presumably we are then to start plastering posters of her pasty little panda face all over our bedroom walls. However, this (fake) attitude is then juxtaposed with desperate, slightly insane, attention seeking comments such as, </span></span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">“I have a knife collection...I have my favorite black knife with me all the time. It's a switchblade. It relaxes me to flick it.”</span></span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">Regard, a twist in the tale, here Momsen takes care to mention that she is also complicated, a troubled soul.</span></b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> At this point a lightbulb explodes above my head as I realise that someone so very uncaring would have little need to explain that she is very, very edgy. Perhaps the juxtaposition is used to emphasise just how much she doesn’t care...a clash of opposing attitudes shedding light on a vision of a deep, thoughtful personality. Doubtful. I sense that it might actually just be because she <i>does</i> care what people think, after all. Madness I hear you cry, she is the most uncaring of them all! Cool as a cucumber! Sadly however, this is the only reasonable explanation I can think of for the fact that she often utters humiliating rubbish along the lines of, </span></span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">"I was raised Catholic. I fucked a priest once - I'm just kidding."</span></span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span></span></div></div><div style="font: normal normal normal 12px/normal Helvetica; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; min-height: 14px; text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></span></span></div><table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_x_LEeW_jmHA/TGlVAKojSfI/AAAAAAAAAEM/P4a4MhGd13M/s1600/Pretty-Reckless-At-New-York-Fashion-Week-September-10-taylor-momsen-8095095-500-800.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_x_LEeW_jmHA/TGlVAKojSfI/AAAAAAAAAEM/P4a4MhGd13M/s320/Pretty-Reckless-At-New-York-Fashion-Week-September-10-taylor-momsen-8095095-500-800.jpg" /></span></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">(Google Images)<br />
Momsen: </span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">So</span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"> edgy she does not even require a skirt.</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><br />
</span> </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span></span></td></tr>
</tbody></table><div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">Momsen likes to wear suspenders with dresses which barely cover her bumhole.</span></span></b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> The dresses will usually be made of lycra. This is not appropriate for anyone, especially not a lady of sixteen. I expect, however, that someone so cutting edge would be unconcerned with ridiculous notions such as not dressing like a hooker after school. In case we don’t get this at first (we are stupid, remember) Momsen clarifies that she doesn’t care what we think of her vomit inducing fashion choices, </span></span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">"I like wearing garters. Apparently people think that’s a big deal, but my tights won’t stay up. So whatever you want to do with that information…” </span></span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">Smashing. Another golden nugget of self-righteous chitchat. It fails to address the real problem, which is why her dress is not longer, or less tight, or less see through. She is basically naked most of the time. Recently she was photographed sporting a dress so short you could see tampon string. </span></span><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">I can’t help thinking this must confuse paedophiles. </span></span></b></span><br />
<span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><br />
</span></span></b></span><br />
<span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">Before leaving the house in her lingerie Momsen slathers black eye shadow and lashings of eye liner in a round shape surrounding her eye socket.<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: normal;"> It seems she is going for some kind of man dressed as a lady look. Either that or she has employed Avril Lavigne as her make-up artist. Neither are advisable. Don't worry little Miss Momsen, I shant judge you for this. When I was sixteen I too was no make-up pro. Why not let a grown up teach you? </span>Drag queen chic is not a thing. <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: normal;">Stop it. Stop it now. </span></span></span></b></span></div></div><div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><br />
</span> </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span></span></b></span></div></div><table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_x_LEeW_jmHA/TGlVV15wl_I/AAAAAAAAAEU/9y8iwf9IVB8/s1600/The-Pretty-Reckless-Vans-Wrapped-Tour-taylor-momsen-13565182-266-400.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_x_LEeW_jmHA/TGlVV15wl_I/AAAAAAAAAEU/9y8iwf9IVB8/s320/The-Pretty-Reckless-Vans-Wrapped-Tour-taylor-momsen-13565182-266-400.jpg" /></span></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">(Google Images)<br />
Child porn?</span></span></td></tr>
</tbody></table><div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 14.0px;"><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">Momsen is also definitely not a pop star. She wants to make this perfectly clear by constantly banging on about her new band, </span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">The Pretty Reckless</span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">, who are famous solely as a result of her being in Gossip Girl. We are not to think this, though,</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> we are to think they are famous due to the huge amounts of musical talent pouring from Momsen’s ass. </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">Perhaps this is why it must always be exposed.</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">On her definitely not disney-esque, very edgy band young Taylor states, </span></span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">“it’s a rock band and its heavy. Our record is a life record. It confronts everything head on. It’s death, </span></span></i><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">love, drugs, sex</span></span></i><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">, religion, politics.”</span></span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">A life record? Really?</span></b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> I have listened, it is not. </span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><br />
</span> </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">Taylor Momsen tends to become <i>infuriated</i> when she is compared to Miley Cyrus. I expect she usually responds by slamming a door, or something. In one interview this pearl of wisdom fell from her rosy lips, <i>"the</i></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 18px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><i> Disney bubblegum shit that the world is living right now is pathetic. I thought we passed that repression." </i></span><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">Excuse me, I think I just threw up all over my shoes. </span></b></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">Anyway, even if Momsem was, theoretically, not the new Miley Cyrus, (she definitly is), I wonder who she might think she is... But of course, She is modelling herself on Kurt Cobain! (She has made an abysmal failure of this.) No really, she actually said, </span></span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">“I wanna be Kurt Cobain.”</span></span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: normal;"> If my memory serves me correctly Mr Cobain was a depressed heroin addict who shot himself.</span> </b>This is not a good role model for a sixteen year old girl. </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><b>Where is her mother? </b></span></span></div></div><div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 14.0px;"><div style="text-align: justify;"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></b></div></div><table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_x_LEeW_jmHA/TGlV1rTxHQI/AAAAAAAAAEc/tfCr39lm3PY/s1600/pretty_reckless_m.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_x_LEeW_jmHA/TGlV1rTxHQI/AAAAAAAAAEc/tfCr39lm3PY/s320/pretty_reckless_m.jpg" /></span></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">(Google Images)<br />
Scandalous album cover.</span></span></td></tr>
</tbody></table><div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Pipe down Little J</span></span></b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">, before someone calls social services. </span></span></span></div></div><div style="font: normal normal normal 12px/normal Helvetica; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; min-height: 14px; text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></span></span></div><div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">From Alexandra</span></span></span></div></div>Alexandra Colemanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17752619271680050379noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4188170933159867849.post-16616492372093446752010-08-12T14:42:00.012+01:002010-08-12T19:10:48.904+01:00Alexandra Contemplates the Phenomenon that is The Jeremy Kyle Show.<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Being a student and daughter of a Jeremy Kyle Show addict (she’s in denial but its on series link on the sky planner for an unknown reason) I have nursed many a hangover to the sound of the ranting and raving of Mr Kyle and his band of unfriendly guests.</span></span></div></div><div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></div></div><table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_x_LEeW_jmHA/TGP5aSbPG0I/AAAAAAAAAD8/ZpCb73JmSM8/s1600/kyle2409_468x371.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_x_LEeW_jmHA/TGP5aSbPG0I/AAAAAAAAAD8/ZpCb73JmSM8/s320/kyle2409_468x371.jpg" /></span></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">(Google Images)</span></span></td></tr>
</tbody></table><div style="font: normal normal normal 12px/normal Helvetica; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; min-height: 14px; text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"></span></span></div><div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">My thoughts when presented with this show follow a similar pattern every time. </span></span><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I begin with mild disgust that Kyle is still allowed an hour slot on ITV, every single day of the week</span></span></b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">. The show is also repeated on ITV2 often. I don’t see why it needs to be on so much. I start to wonder why something better isn’t on. Jeremy must have a large fanbase. This is a worrying prospect. </span></span></span></div></div><div style="font: normal normal normal 12px/normal Helvetica; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; min-height: 14px; text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></span></span></div><div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">My anxiety then fades as I become entranced by the bizarre events the scary people are shouting about.</span></span><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> I start to offer my own advice, several times as they never seem to listen. </span></span></b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Often there will be advert breaks where I wonder why I have started to care who the father is. Unfortunately the show begins again in no time (after a brief interlude where strangers encourage you to send them all your gold) and I am once again shamefully fascinated by the extraordinary accents these people are screeching in. </span></span><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I f</span></span></b><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">eel angry that such people exist and start to get annoyed that I, the taxpayer, am paying for Charmaine to have twelve children while her tracksuit clad buttocks remain on a (probably not very clean) sofa drinking questionable cider and being angry with her family. </span></span></b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">They are always angry with their families. They are also always unemployed. This is usually why they can’t afford to visit their children and Jeremy gets annoyed, after a brief period of being shocked, when they say this. I start to wonder why he is so often surprised seen as this happens most of the time on his show. I get suspicious of his fury and wonder if he is pretending. This makes me feel cheated. </span></span><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Then I remember that I have started to enter the mindset of a Daily Mail reader and tell myself off for this.</span></span></b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> I stop watching and start my day safe in the knowledge that my intellect and morality are far superior to that of the people I have just witnessed on the telybox. </span></span></span></div></div><div style="font: normal normal normal 12px/normal Helvetica; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; min-height: 14px; text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></span></span></div><div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Jeremy is an unsavoury character. </span></span></b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">His use of catchphrases and shouting when he thinks he has made a good point irritate me. He is forever suggesting that people </span></span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“put something on the end of it.”</span></span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> He is also always annoyed that they don’t have a job. He wants them all to get jobs and live happily ever after. This is not what he should be going for because if he runs out of morons and freaks of the unemployed persuasion he will have trouble producing his atrocity of a talk show.</span></span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span><br />
<span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">After a brief shouting match Mr Kyle will always go soft and start telling us about how he is to save todays unfortunate soul from destruction with the use of the 'after care team'. </span></span><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Who are these people? </span></span></b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I’m not sure they are real. There is only one actual real other person and he is called Graham. Graham comes out at the end sometimes so we know he exists. He is nice and tells drug addicts and alcoholics that he, Graham, will clean them up. We are led to believe that Graham is a miracle worker. I’m not sure this is true. </span></span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></div></div><div style="font: normal normal normal 12px/normal Helvetica; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; min-height: 14px; text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></span></span></div><table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_x_LEeW_jmHA/TGP5lD-CGfI/AAAAAAAAAEE/qIRo4sbPe00/s1600/chav1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><img border="0" height="266" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_x_LEeW_jmHA/TGP5lD-CGfI/AAAAAAAAAEE/qIRo4sbPe00/s400/chav1.jpg" width="400" /></span></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">(Google Images)<br />
Who/what is marrying this man?</span></span></td></tr>
</tbody></table><div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">My primary concern during this peculiar hour of ‘entertainment’ is why these lying, orthodontically challenged people want to be on Jeremy Kyle. </span></span></b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">They come, sit and tell an audience of strangers that they are convinced that their husband is being unfaithful. Who in their right mind sits at home thinking London (actual name of a Kyle guest last week) is absolutely definitely cheating on me with Wayne/Dwayne/Perry from round the corner.. what I will do, therefore, is phone a television programme in order to obtain the truth on live television, thus achieving maximum humiliation and a permenent record of my sorry excuse for a relationship? And why, if this is the way you would like to finalise the end of your marriage, would you not wash your hair prior to your ITV debut?</span></span></span></div></div><div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></div></div><div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I do not think that British society should acknowledge the existence of the Kyle guest people by dedicating an hour of daytime television, every single day, to their madcap problems, ponderings and arguments. </span></span><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I therefore suggest that Mr Kyle’s show needs to be banned, for the good of all. </span></span></b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Failing this it should be moved to Dave so that no one watches it. The end. </span></span></span></div></div><div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></div></div><div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">From Alexandra</span></span></div></div>Alexandra Colemanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17752619271680050379noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4188170933159867849.post-61288812587159773652010-08-10T12:50:00.014+01:002010-08-12T19:11:33.040+01:00Why Avatar is Not Actually as Good as Everyone Thinks<div style="font: normal normal normal 12px/normal Helvetica; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; min-height: 14px; text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Due to popular demand (Chris Adam told me to) I will now explain why I disliked Avatar even more than I disliked Inception. </span></span></div><div style="font: normal normal normal 12px/normal Helvetica; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; min-height: 14px; text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><br />
</span></span></div><table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_x_LEeW_jmHA/TGE8ErNkyyI/AAAAAAAAAD0/dLOQP6Mdp6c/s1600/avatar_posters.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_x_LEeW_jmHA/TGE8ErNkyyI/AAAAAAAAAD0/dLOQP6Mdp6c/s320/avatar_posters.jpg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">(Google Images)</td></tr>
</tbody></table><div style="font: normal normal normal 12px/normal Helvetica; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; min-height: 14px; text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><br />
</span></span></div><div style="font: normal normal normal 12px/normal Helvetica; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Overhyped does not begin to describe the ridiculous amounts of advertising used in the promotion of this film. This meant the film had begun to irritate me before I had even seen it. I was informed, by an advert of some kind, that this was going to be </span></span><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">the future of cinema.</span></span></b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> This is a lie. Avatar was never going to be the future of cinema. Yes its 3D, but it still needs to actually be good; it needs an interesting plot, believable characterisation, maybe some twists and turns in the tale.. Avatar has none of the above. </span></span><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">It’s a film about smurfs with sex appeal. </span></span></b></span></div><div style="font: normal normal normal 12px/normal Helvetica; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; min-height: 14px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b></b></span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></span></div><div style="font: normal normal normal 12px/normal Helvetica; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">There was a big fuss made over the fact that this was the most expensive film, </span></span><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">ever.</span></span></b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> I don’t like when this is mentioned a lot before the release of a film. I am not really concerned with how expensive the film is, all I want to know is whether or not it is good. This one isn’t, thus the need for emphasis on cost I presume. I began to wonder if it was actually the aggressive marketing campaign which had made the film the most expensive one, </span></span><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">ever</span></span></b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">. </span></span></span></div><div style="font: normal normal normal 12px/normal Helvetica; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; min-height: 14px; text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></span></span></div><div style="font: normal normal normal 12px/normal Helvetica; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The main problem I had with Avatar was that </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>this film has already been made.</b></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> In fact I saw it as a child, only then it was called Pocohontas. If you have not had the pleasure of this disney delight let me summarise the plot for you. Dashing Englishman, John Smith, goes to faraway land in order to plunder gold and such like from Native America. Natives are a bit unfriendly, want to keep their gold. Smith meets sexy lady in skimpy native type attire, Pocohontas, who takes him under her wing. They fall in love. Together they fight adversity and make the world a better place. Then John gets shot and goes home. </span></span></span></div><div style="font: normal normal normal 12px/normal Helvetica; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; min-height: 14px; text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></span></span></div><div style="font: normal normal normal 12px/normal Helvetica; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">In Avatar US military folk go to Pandora in order to plunder a raw material imaginatively entitled Unobtainium. Na’vi are a bit unfriendly, want to keep their special tree. Dashing American, Jake Sully, is sent to gather information on the natives. In an unexpected twist Sully falls in love with the sexy smurfette, Neytiri, who takes him under her wing. Neytiri is also in a skimpy version of the native attire. She looks like a 12ft blue Lara Croft. They fall in love. Together they fight against the US Military. (At this point some wildlife get involved). The blue people win. (This is because together they are successful in fighting adversity to make the world a better place.) Then Sully turns blue and they all live happily ever after. </span></span></span></div><div style="font: normal normal normal 12px/normal Helvetica; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><img border="0" height="200" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_x_LEeW_jmHA/TGE7uOspFQI/AAAAAAAAADs/H-GyuPUsI3Y/s320/avatar-4d.jpg" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" width="320" /></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">(Google Images)<br />
"Together we can fight adversity! Hooray!"</span></td></tr>
</tbody></table><div style="font: normal normal normal 12px/normal Helvetica; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Avatar = Pocohontas. The only difference is Cameron has given Avatar a more disney friendly ending. </span></span><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">It’s all so sickly sweet I’m surprised more people didn’t vomit popcorn all over the Odeon. </span></span></b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Although, I presume the failure of the US Military to obtain the unobtainium would have had quite bad effects for us ‘Sky People’, because I was reliably informed that the Earth was dying near the start of this two and a half hour marathon of cheese. Cameron has made the Americans mean in this film, so we will side with the Smurfs, and be pleased with the ending. However, I live on Earth so I would probably rather that the Earth didn’t die. Has Cameron forgotten that the vast majority of his audience will be living on Earth? Maybe he is confident that most people will have forgotten about this bit by the end of the film, distracted somewhere in the middle by all the bright colours and bizarre scenery of an LSD trip. </span></span></div><div style="font: normal normal normal 12px/normal Helvetica; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; min-height: 14px; text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></span></span></div><div style="font: normal normal normal 12px/normal Helvetica; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I am finding it hard to think of anything good to say about Avatar. With Inception I could see glimmers of a good film lurking beneath the bits I hated which enabled me to, sort of, comprehend the rave reviews. With Avatar I am still none the wiser as to what all the fuss was about. The graphics are pretty I suppose but I stopped being impressed by brightly coloured people around the age of six, when my interest in cartoons dwindled. <b>Take out the special effects and CGI rubbish and what you’re left </b></span></span><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">with is a script with all the imagination of a teaspoon.</span></span></b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> If this is the future of cinema I fear I may have to start spending my orange wednesdays at home. </span></span></span></div><div style="font: normal normal normal 12px/normal Helvetica; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; min-height: 14px; text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></span></span></div><div style="font: normal normal normal 12px/normal Helvetica; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">From Alexandra</span></span></span></div>Alexandra Colemanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17752619271680050379noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4188170933159867849.post-49138882666825090272010-08-07T14:55:00.009+01:002010-08-12T19:11:55.906+01:00Why Inception is Not Actually as Good as Everyone Thinks<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_x_LEeW_jmHA/TF1lsdf03nI/AAAAAAAAAC8/g9pbcpHHopw/s1600/Inception-Teaser-poster-2-15-12-09-kc.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><img border="0" height="176" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_x_LEeW_jmHA/TF1lsdf03nI/AAAAAAAAAC8/g9pbcpHHopw/s320/Inception-Teaser-poster-2-15-12-09-kc.jpg" width="320" /></span></a></div><div style="font: normal normal normal 12px/normal Helvetica; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></div><div style="font: normal normal normal 12px/normal Helvetica; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I appear to be the only person in the world who didn’t think Inception was god’s gift to cinema for the summer of 2010. </span></span></div><div style="font: normal normal normal 12px/normal Helvetica; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; min-height: 14px; text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></span></span></div><div style="font: normal normal normal 12px/normal Helvetica; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The movie centers around the idea of invading people’s subconscious whilst they dream in order to extract information or implant an idea... Fine, but has no one realised that dreams are not actually that interesting? I have never been interested in other people’s dreams, </span></span><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">ever</span></span></b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">. They’re just dull. I wouldn’t care if you dreamt about a pogo-sticking llama with the face of my great grandmother.</span></span></span></div><div style="font: normal normal normal 12px/normal Helvetica; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; min-height: 14px; text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></span></span></div><div style="font: normal normal normal 12px/normal Helvetica; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Also, Christopher Nolan - what kind of dreams are you having? And who came up with this idea of an 'architect' designing a 'maze' in a dream, expecting this to be a believable, legitimate basis for the blockbuster of 2010? These are the ramblings of a madman.. Actual dreams don’t work like this movie says they do. Even if they did (they definitely don't) this still doesn't explain why all the dreams in Inception look like they belong in a James Bond film. None of them even come close to looking like an authentic dream. Have you ever dreamt of a city made entirely of grey blocks with lots of paper fluttering around in the breeze, complete with random house you lived in as a child? No, me neither. </span></span></span></div><div style="font: normal normal normal 12px/normal Helvetica; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; min-height: 14px; text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></span></span></div><div style="font: normal normal normal 12px/normal Helvetica; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Leonardo di Caprio failed to impress, in general. What has happened to you, Leonardo? It’s hard to believe this puffy faced chap is that very same heart throb who grabbed the attention of adolescent girls nationwide with his portrayal of Richard in The Beach. The years have not been kind to di Caprio. What a waste. Also, why hasn’t anyone noticed that Leonardo’s character in Inception and Shutter Island are the same person? Switch over Dom Cobb and Teddy Daniels mid-movie and no one would bat an eyelid. I don’t even think the outfits were different. </span></span><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Bring back Richard. </span></span></b></span><br />
<b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></b><br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_x_LEeW_jmHA/TF7_YRGtGhI/AAAAAAAAADE/ox-DDWn8iiE/s1600/Leonardo-Dicaprio-Beach_l.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_x_LEeW_jmHA/TF7_YRGtGhI/AAAAAAAAADE/ox-DDWn8iiE/s320/Leonardo-Dicaprio-Beach_l.jpg" width="240" /></span></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">When Leonardo was nice to look at..</span></span></td></tr>
</tbody></table></div><div style="font: normal normal normal 12px/normal Helvetica; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; min-height: 14px; text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></span></div><div style="font: normal normal normal 12px/normal Helvetica; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; min-height: 14px; text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Nolan has inserted a few jokes into this (tryingtoohardtobe) dark and mysterious film, apparently at random. They completely clash with the mood of the film. It feels silly. A film this moody should not also try to make you laugh. You might as well have had a giant easter bunny merrily hopping across the screen during one of Jigsaw’s twisted games. </span></span></div><div style="font: normal normal normal 12px/normal Helvetica; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; min-height: 14px; text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></span></span></div><div style="font: normal normal normal 12px/normal Helvetica; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Admittedly the special effects were good, there’s a nice bit where a street folds in on itself which made me go </span></span><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">oooh</span></span></b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">. However Ariadne’s tour of dreamland goes on just that little bit too long, which detracted from my fascination somewhat. It started to feel a little less isn’t this mindbending and a little more... look how much money we have spent. </span></span></span></div><div style="font: normal normal normal 12px/normal Helvetica; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; min-height: 14px; text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></span></span></div><div style="font: normal normal normal 12px/normal Helvetica; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The film’s saving grace is the relationship between Mal (Marion Cotillard), the late Mrs Cobb, and Di Caprio. This part borders on the brink of good as there is actually some substance to this sub-plot, with crazy Mal being all crazy due to a prologued time spent in the grey, windy dreamland... which is where you go if you die mid-dream, obviously. This was my favourite of the jumbled mess of sub-plots featured in this film because it does that thing that films normally do.. where the loose ends get tied up in the end, it all makes sense and then you all feel much better and go home. The rest seem to be there solely to keep you guessing as to what is actually going on. Ariadne asks "Whose subconscious are we in, exactly?" </span></span><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">She's in the film. </span></span></b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">If she can't work it out we might as well not bother trying. </span></span></span></div><div style="font: normal normal normal 12px/normal Helvetica; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; min-height: 14px; text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></span></span></div><div style="font: normal normal normal 12px/normal Helvetica; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I wouldn’t say Inception was boring, it is ambitious and it has obviously got people talking. </span></span><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">It is just not as good as everyone thinks</span></span></b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">. I got the impression Nolan was trying very hard to be complicated, edgy and confusing and I couldn’t quite work out why. By the time the film was drawing to a close my brain was getting tired and Inception was definitely losing its grip on my attention. Normally when a film is that difficult to keep up with there is some kind of climatic, unexpected ending which makes it worth all the trouble. In Inception..they wake up. </span></span></span></div><div style="font: normal normal normal 12px/normal Helvetica; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; min-height: 14px; text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></span></span></div><div style="font: normal normal normal 12px/normal Helvetica; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Then again, I didn’t like Avatar either. </span></span></b></span><br />
<b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span> </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></b><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">From Alexandra</span></span></div>Alexandra Colemanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17752619271680050379noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4188170933159867849.post-55461324455283308142010-08-05T22:00:00.006+01:002010-08-12T15:41:54.216+01:00Alexandra’s Thoughts on Brighton<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: medium;">This week the boyfriend and I visited Brighton, seaside town of East Sussex, in search of candyfloss and sunshine. At night we slept in a B&B, the Kelvin Guest House. The owners were gay, not just a little bit gay, very gay. It was decorated with rainbow flags. I loved it.</span></div></div><div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><br />
</span></span></div></div><table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_x_LEeW_jmHA/TFsmKdfzTHI/AAAAAAAAABg/PMSa5_QxRcU/s1600/SL371333.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="200" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_x_LEeW_jmHA/TFsmKdfzTHI/AAAAAAAAABg/PMSa5_QxRcU/s200/SL371333.JPG" width="150" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">The Kelvin Guest House</td></tr>
</tbody></table><div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><br />
</span></span></div></div><div style="color: #333233; font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Whilst there we enjoyed a number of touristy type excursions. First on the agenda was a visit to the Royal Pavillion. The website claims this is<i> “</i></span></span><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><i>remarkable for its exotic oriental appearance both inside and out.” </i>Unsurprisingly Alexandra was not a fan of the Royal Pavillion. Let me tell you why. Firstly they give you an audio guide but this audio guide has too much jazzy music and in between the jazzy music a man talks and sometimes a lady talks but they talk far too much about not very much. <b>It is interesting for a little while but once you get the idea that George was the 19th century’s answer to Paris Hilton what remains is essentially waffle sandwiched between pieces of jazzy music.</b> I got bored of the guide half way through and toddled off to the next room before being told to by the voices eminating from this giant phone. The other reason for my lack of enthusiasm was that George and I clearly have different tastes in interior design. Everything was too bright. It looked a bit like some buffoon had allowed Lawrence Llewelyn Bowen to go crazy with no budget. There was a dragon eating a chandelier over the banqueting room. The dragon was too big. It could have fallen. <b>I kept imagining a dinner time massacre</b>. Apparently the Pavillion is <i>“home to some of the finest collections and examples of the chinoiserie style in Britain.”</i> I expect a big chinoiserie fan would love the place. Me.. clearly not a chinoiserie fan. Having said this I did think the outside of the building was fairly snazzy. The gardens were also quite good, but there was a crazy man playing a bongo drum who winked at me and this made me <b>afraid</b> so I left. </span></span></span></div></div><div style="color: #333233; font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><br />
</span></span></div></div><table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_x_LEeW_jmHA/TFsl8i9VbRI/AAAAAAAAABY/XsIgc-C_Cl4/s1600/SL371354.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_x_LEeW_jmHA/TFsl8i9VbRI/AAAAAAAAABY/XsIgc-C_Cl4/s320/SL371354.JPG" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">The Royal Pavillion</td></tr>
</tbody></table><div style="color: #333233; font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">At dinner time I was excited to go to an italian called Donatello’s because they did gluten free pasta. Anything gluten free excites me. It was extra delicious. After this I accidentally got <b>horribly</b> drunk. I don’t know how this happened but I went to Oceana and remember little to none of the evening. The next day was stressful. I had a headache. I felt unwell. I could taste wine and I couldn’t make it stop. Then I fell asleep on the beach and burnt my nose primarily and also the rest of my face. It is still not totally recovered. I fear I may get wrinkles. </span></span></span></div></div><div style="color: #333233; font: normal normal normal 12px/normal Helvetica; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; min-height: 14px; text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></span></span></div><div style="color: #333233; font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Whilst my pounding head was still in recovery I went to the sea life centre to see a shark. I did see a shark there and this made me happy. Then I got some pick n’ mix and my happiness levels increased further still. <b>I will never grow up. </b></span></span></span></div></div><div style="color: #333233; font: normal normal normal 12px/normal Helvetica; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; min-height: 14px; text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></span></span></div><div style="color: #333233; font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Before we returned to Essex a shopping trip happened. The Lanes has many boutiquey type shops which are great. A lot of sparkly jewels are sold there. Twinkly things attract my interest and make me spend money. I thought the streets were kind of reminiscent of York’s famous Shambles, although obviously not as good. The shops did not go inwards Harry Potter style like the York ones do. Sweet shops were plentiful though so Brighton gets points for this.</span></span></span></div></div><div style="color: #333233; font: normal normal normal 12px/normal Helvetica; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; min-height: 14px; text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></span></span></div><div style="color: #333233; font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Then home. <b>Then tea. </b></span></span></span></div></div><div style="color: #333233; font: normal normal normal 12px/normal Helvetica; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; min-height: 14px; text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"></span></span></span></div><div style="color: #333233; font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">From Alexandra</span></span></span></div></div>Alexandra Colemanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17752619271680050379noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4188170933159867849.post-63191657638636462102010-08-04T22:54:00.010+01:002010-08-08T21:52:30.174+01:00Reasons why Alexandra Hates Twitter<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande'; font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 11px;"></span></span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Lucida Grande'; font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 11px;"><div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 14.0px;"><div style="text-align: justify;"><div class="" style="clear: both; text-align: justify;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_x_LEeW_jmHA/TF8YZfv0czI/AAAAAAAAADM/9VhOKyrsrWs/s1600/twitter_logo.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Sometime during the easter of 2010 I finally decided to see what all the fuss was about and register with the new social networking fad... </span></span><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">twitter</span></span></b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">. Shortly after I commenced use of this site, however, a number of things began to trouble me. If you would care to read on I will divulge the reasons behind my uncertainty. </span></span></div></div></div><div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span></div></div><div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;"></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_x_LEeW_jmHA/TF8YZfv0czI/AAAAAAAAADM/9VhOKyrsrWs/s1600/twitter_logo.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="132" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_x_LEeW_jmHA/TF8YZfv0czI/AAAAAAAAADM/9VhOKyrsrWs/s320/twitter_logo.gif" width="320" /></a></div><ul><li style="text-align: justify;"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Word limit. </span></span></b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I do not like to be told what to do at the best of times. The twitter word limit rules with an iron fist. A website should not be allowed such strict regulations... say I have something outstanding to share with the world, yet mid sentence I am interrupted by an automated message. What then? How will I get accross my message? Inevitable nightmare situation. This does not impress. I like to choose the lengths of my sentences at will. Facebook allows this, might I add. </span></span></li>
</ul><div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span></div></div><ul><li style="text-align: justify;"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Idiotic lingo.</span></span></b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> I am not a bird. Why would I tweet? I wouldn’t, that is the answer. </span></span></li>
</ul><div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span></div></div><ul><li style="text-align: justify;"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Twitter stalkers.</span></span></b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> It bothers me that strange women are following me. Their twitter pictures are suspicious. They appear to have forgotten to don t-shirts. Why are they following me? I don’t want them to. This stresses Alexandra out.</span></span></li>
</ul><div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span></div></div><ul><li style="text-align: justify;"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Celebritweets. </span></span></b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Why do all these famous folk have twitter? And why so many followers? The ramblings of most should have no place on such a platform. Misguided interest led me to the twitter page of everyones favourite </span></span><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">childstarturnedrebelwithoutacause</span></span></b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">, Lindsay Lohan. One Lohan tweet caught my eye, in it the starlet states </span></span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“the only "bookings" that i'm familiar with are Disney Films, never thought that i'd be "booking" into Jail... eeeks,”</span></span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> speaking of her recent experience of the legal system of the city of angels. This tweet is misguided. Firstly it is not a funny joke. Secondly Lohan should not be making any sort of jokes about her dangerous behaviour, funny or not. Last time I checked drink driving was a fairly serious offence when committed by a mere mortal - not so for Lilo. Why are the Lohan management allowing her to post her obscene thoughts on the internet for all the world to see? I can’t imagine this will aid her in getting work in the future. </span></span><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Disney frowns upon convicts</span></span></b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">. We know you’ve gone off the rails, you crazy girl you.. now be quiet please. Even Lohan’s attempts at charity work are half-hearted. It seems she is trying to help abandoned dogs in New Orleans... not by actually helping mind, just by tweeting her little heart out, asking you to. She is obviously busy, being in jail, oh and being a rebel. </span></span></li>
</ul><div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span></div></div><ul><li style="text-align: justify;"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Twitter conversations.</span></span></b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> These are confusing. So many @’s. This means I have trouble stalking people. Facebook provides a handy wall-to-wall function, I am confident this is entirely for ease of stalking. It is much appreciated. </span></span></li>
</ul><div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span></div></div><ul><li style="text-align: justify;"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Tweeting for the sake of tweeting</span></span></b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">. Although this does occur on facebook the epidemic seems to be more widespread on twitter. Twitter addicts appear to tweet </span></span><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">constantly</span></span></b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">. This makes me think they are not busy people. Upon discovering this information I automatically look down on them. This morning Fearne Cotton, of radio 1 fame, demonstrates that she is not a busy person by tweeting, </span></span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“MORNINGGGGGG! rubbish nights sleep last night! COFFEEEE.”</span></span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> Even if Fearne and I were the best of friends I’d be unlikely to wonder how she slept last night. Who is it that cares if Miss Cotton is having coffee this morning? If someone does, this also troubles me. </span></span></li>
</ul><div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span></div></div><div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">From Alexandra</span></span></div></div></span></span>Alexandra Colemanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17752619271680050379noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4188170933159867849.post-37553871986909073742010-07-31T19:20:00.007+01:002010-08-08T20:10:26.585+01:00Alexandra Responds to First Criticisms of her Blog.<div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">A lanky </span><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">pseudo-northerner</span></b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> has unkindly outed my blogging through the medium of facebook. No doubt thinking this some kind of hilarious joke Jet Witney (not his real name) tagged me in his status, calling my new love of writing to my blog "embarassing". Jet does not believe in blogs, nor does he believe that I am capable of creating a blog good enough to rival that of perezhilton.</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Jet is what is called a male, thus finds himself in the unfortunate position of being wrong by nature, however in this case Jet is more wrong than usual. I must also mention that he is a man with a </span><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">fake accent</span></b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">. Although this is unrelated it is worth noting that he therefore demonstrates his shortcomings on a daily basis. His inability to see the use in blogs is unsurprising. The mocking of Witney will no doubt advertise Alexandra's Complaints of the Day and probably make Alexandra rich and famous. I will then spend no pennies on our northern friend and have him sent to Bulgaria to mow the lawn of the summer house I will buy for the sole use of my stout canine friend, Bubbles.</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I love this dog.</span></span></td></tr>
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</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">From Alexandra</span></div>Alexandra Colemanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17752619271680050379noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4188170933159867849.post-72548878153490936662010-07-31T18:14:00.004+01:002010-08-12T16:03:49.022+01:00Alexandra's First Thoughts on the Birth of her Blog.<div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Excruciating boredom, the result of my ongoing unemployment and the annual, horrendous </span><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">canyoubelieveitwilleverend</span></b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> summer holiday have inspired me to create this blog. I am hopeful that my bountiful readership will be brimming with excitement at this news, clinging to the edge of chairs nationwide wondering what it is I will be writing about in the oncoming weeks. You may find this a ludicrous idea, but wait whilst I explain the failsafe reasoning behind it. Lost has taught me that </span><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">hope</span></b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> is a very important thing, in fact all you need to achieve your dreams, be they having said bountiful readership, or escaping curious smoke monster on moving island. I am therefore confident that </span><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Lost knows best</span></b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> and I may go on hoping for whatever I wish...(Lost obsession has also grown out of the soil of tedious, definitely in vain, job hunting that the summer of 2010 has brought.)</span></div><div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span> </div></div><div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">In writing this I am envisaging my life having some sort of Carrie Bradshaw-esque glamour which it never has. A sad life is mine, lowly student whittling away the summer months in Essex before I can start at university in September. Only one goal has possessed me this summer. Stricken by poverty/boredom I have attempted to find employment in this delightful market town. Alas, after numerous failings a </span><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">crushing defeat</span></b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> occurred as follows - Alexandra was denied a job at the ONE STOP. </span><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_x_LEeW_jmHA/TF8ZVrP3-8I/AAAAAAAAADU/Ib-JAB1gi6w/s1600/homeless1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><img border="0" height="400" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_x_LEeW_jmHA/TF8ZVrP3-8I/AAAAAAAAADU/Ib-JAB1gi6w/s400/homeless1.jpg" width="287" /></span></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">What I am destined to become. </span></span></td></tr>
</tbody></table><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Having picked myself up off the ground I decided to turn my attention instead to - not finding employment, which I find is working much better for me. But before you go thinking me a lazy sluglike character I must let you know that I am doing work experience which is </span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">unpaid</span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> but I am confident I will reap the rewards of this charity work through the high-flying graduate career which is soon to come my way, failing that I will certainly enter </span><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">heaven</span></b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">. </span></div></div><div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span> </div></div><div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">From Alexandra </span></div></div><div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
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</div></div>Alexandra Colemanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17752619271680050379noreply@blogger.com2