Monday, 16 August 2010

Taylor Momsen - You what you what???

Despite feeling I should encourage all of Momsen’s past, present and future endeavours as a result of the loyalty I feel towards all those involved in the production of Gossip Girl (worlds best TV programme, like, ever) Momsen’s recent antics have begun to make me shudder. She is giving Gossip Girl a bad name and I do not like this at all. In fact I am fuming about it.

(Google Images)
Momsen is seventeen, however she began some kind of ludicrous campaign to inform the world that she is edgy and unpredictable at the grand age of sixteen. This is too young. It means her campaign has lacked integrity from the start. Her fantastically bad attempts to sound like the person she wants us to think she is have been brought to my attention mainly through the bizarre comments she makes during interviews. The theme which emerges is one of a supposedly uncaring attitude. Upon being asked if she felt under pressure due to her (unexplained) fame, this is what actually left her mouth, "there is if you care, but if you do what I do, you just don't give a shit… Can I not say that?" This comment is intended to make her public think something along the lines of... ‘Omg Taylor, you are like so totally hardcore, even though you’re only sixteen and your claim to fame is that you played Cindy Lou Who in The Grinch.’ It doesn’t work, due to the fact that not everyone watching is completely can’tevenstringasentencetogether stupid

(Google Images)
Cindy Lou Who!
I believe we are supposed to be jealous of the confidence Momsen is oozing everywhere and wish we too did not worry about what others thought of us. Momsen thinks this will gain her oodles of respect I imagine. Presumably we are then to start plastering posters of her pasty little panda face all over our bedroom walls. However, this (fake) attitude is then juxtaposed with desperate, slightly insane, attention seeking comments such as, “I have a knife collection...I have my favorite black knife with me all the time. It's a switchblade. It relaxes me to flick it.” Regard, a twist in the tale, here Momsen takes care to mention that she is also complicated, a troubled soul. At this point a lightbulb explodes above my head as I realise that someone so very uncaring would have little need to explain that she is very, very edgy. Perhaps the juxtaposition is used to emphasise just how much she doesn’t care...a clash of opposing attitudes shedding light on a vision of a deep, thoughtful personality. Doubtful. I sense that it might actually just be because she does care what people think, after all. Madness I hear you cry, she is the most uncaring of them all! Cool as a cucumber!  Sadly however, this is the only reasonable explanation I can think of for the fact that she often utters humiliating rubbish along the lines of, "I was raised Catholic. I fucked a priest once - I'm just kidding." 
(Google Images)
So edgy she does not even require a skirt.

Momsen likes to wear suspenders with dresses which barely cover her bumhole. The dresses will usually be made of lycra. This is not appropriate for anyone, especially not a lady of sixteen. I expect, however, that someone so cutting edge would be unconcerned with ridiculous notions such as not dressing like a hooker after school. In case we don’t get this at first (we are stupid, remember) Momsen clarifies that she doesn’t care what we think of her vomit inducing fashion choices, "I like wearing garters. Apparently people think that’s a big deal, but my tights won’t stay up. So whatever you want to do with that information…” Smashing. Another golden nugget of self-righteous chitchat. It fails to address the real problem, which is why her dress is not longer, or less tight, or less see through. She is basically naked most of the time. Recently she was photographed sporting a dress so short you could see tampon string. I can’t help thinking this must confuse paedophiles. 

Before leaving the house in her lingerie Momsen slathers black eye shadow and lashings of eye liner in a round shape surrounding her eye socket. It seems she is going for some kind of man dressed as a lady look. Either that or she has employed Avril Lavigne as her make-up artist. Neither are advisable. Don't worry little Miss Momsen, I shant judge you for this. When I was sixteen I too was no make-up pro. Why not let a grown up teach you? Drag queen chic is not a thing. Stop it. Stop it now. 

(Google Images)
Child porn?
Momsen is also definitely not a pop star. She wants to make this perfectly clear by constantly banging on about her new band, The Pretty Reckless, who are famous solely as a result of her being in Gossip Girl. We are not to think this, though, we are to think they are famous due to the huge amounts of musical talent pouring from Momsen’s ass. Perhaps this is why it must always be exposed. On her definitely not disney-esque, very edgy band young Taylor states, “it’s a rock band and its heavy. Our record is a life record. It confronts everything head on. It’s death, love, drugs, sex, religion, politics.” A life record? Really? I have listened, it is not. 

Taylor Momsen tends to become infuriated when she is compared to Miley Cyrus. I expect she usually responds by slamming a door, or something. In one interview this pearl of wisdom fell from her rosy lips, "the Disney bubblegum shit that the world is living right now is pathetic. I thought we passed that repression." Excuse me, I think I just threw up all over my shoes. Anyway, even if Momsem was, theoretically, not the new Miley Cyrus, (she definitly is), I wonder who she might think she is... But of course, She is modelling herself on Kurt Cobain! (She has made an abysmal failure of this.) No really, she actually said, “I wanna be Kurt Cobain.” If my memory serves me correctly Mr Cobain was a depressed heroin addict who shot himself. This is not a good role model for a sixteen year old girl. Where is her mother? 

(Google Images)
Scandalous album cover.
Pipe down Little J, before someone calls social services. 
From Alexandra


  1. wow that girl is completely becoming a lindsey lohan wannabee maybe even worse. I do not know much about gossip girl or this girl, but just by looking at the pictures, you can tell she is no good.

    -Coffee Bean

  2. I found a delightful artical for you (haha):

  3. Hahah this is exactly what I mean.. I want to punch her face!!!!!! desperately.


  4. She's so edgy, she doesn't even have to button her shirts properly.

    You do allude to an interesting question: Is the mere act of taking a photo of this 16 year-old person in her "out and about clothes" criminal?