Take Off That Fucking T-Shirt.

Every time I am confronted with a person sporting a Che Guevara t-shirt I have a small rage blackout. I feel like smacking them over the head whilst screaming obscenities in their ears (to get their attention) before questioning them as to what they actually know about this esteemed revolutionary.

I believe that if one wishes to wear an item of clothing with a strangers face plastered across the front it is necessary to know a substantial amount of information on the figure. I also believe that about 95% of people strutting about in their Che Guevara shirts do not possess the required knowledge. 

Bad things about Che Guevara:

1. Guevara was a Marxist puritan who operated a cold blooded killing machine.
2. Guevara loved to shoot defectors. He sent execution squads out searching for the deserters and massacred them in an unchristian fashion. 
3. Che was an Argentine Chris Moyles. He set up Radio Rebele. I can only assume he used this to play crap songs by N-Dubz and Pixie Lott.
4. Whilst in control of the La Cabaña Fortress prison Che executed 55 to 164 people convicted of being traitors, informers or war criminals. Apparently he loved a bit of the old firing squad, which is generally not seen as a good thing. 
5. Che was heavily involved in bringing Soviet nuclear-armed ballistic missiles to Cuba, which initiated the Cuban Missile Crisis and almost brought about a nuclear war, which would have been quite bad for most people wishing to inhabit Earth. 
6. Che then claimed that had the missiles been in Cuban control he would have fired them off. No comment. 
7. During the Vietnam war Che urged the peoples of developing countries to take up arms and create “many Vietnams”. Sterling advice. 
8. Guevara spat in the face of Bolivian Rear Admiral Ugarteche shortly before his execution. I don’t like men who spit. 
9. Guevara hated consumer culture. Oh the irony. His face is now one of the most universally merchandised and objectified images of all time, ever. Thus if you did know anything about el Che you should know that he would have told you to take off that fucking t-shirt himself. (If he wasn’t dead, which he is.)

Good things about Che Guevara:

1. He could ride a horse. 

Therefore Che and I would like to respectfully requested that you TAKE OFF THAT FUCKING T SHIRT. Thank you. 

P.s. The same applies to fifteen years olds sporting those with names of rock bands they’ve never listened to but think sound oh so cool. Recently my dear brother stepped out in a Guns n Roses shirt. “I didn’t know you liked guns and roses,” I said to him. “Can you name any songs by them?” He could not.

From Alexandra