Why Avatar is Not Actually as Good as Everyone Thinks

Due to popular demand (Chris Adam told me to) I will now explain why I disliked Avatar even more than I disliked Inception. 

(Google Images)

Overhyped does not begin to describe the ridiculous amounts of advertising used in the promotion of this film. This meant the film had begun to irritate me before I had even seen it. I was informed, by an advert of some kind, that this was going to be the future of cinema. This is a lie. Avatar was never going to be the future of cinema. Yes its 3D, but it still needs to actually be good; it needs an interesting plot, believable characterisation, maybe some twists and turns in the tale.. Avatar has none of the above. It’s a film about smurfs with sex appeal. 

There was a big fuss made over the fact that this was the most expensive film, ever. I don’t like when this is mentioned a lot before the release of a film. I am not really concerned with how expensive the film is, all I want to know is whether or not it is good. This one isn’t, thus the need for emphasis on cost I presume. I began to wonder if it was actually the aggressive marketing campaign which had made the film the most expensive one, ever. 

The main problem I had with Avatar was that this film has already been made. In fact I saw it as a child, only then it was called Pocohontas. If you have not had the pleasure of this disney delight let me summarise the plot for you. Dashing Englishman, John Smith, goes to faraway land in order to plunder gold and such like from Native America. Natives are a bit unfriendly, want to keep their gold. Smith meets sexy lady in skimpy native type attire, Pocohontas, who takes him under her wing. They fall in love. Together they fight adversity and make the world a better place. Then John gets shot and goes home. 

In Avatar US military folk go to Pandora in order to plunder a raw material imaginatively entitled Unobtainium. Na’vi are a bit unfriendly, want to keep their special tree. Dashing American, Jake Sully, is sent to gather information on the natives. In an unexpected twist Sully falls in love with the sexy smurfette, Neytiri, who takes him under her wing. Neytiri is also in a skimpy version of the native attire. She looks like a 12ft blue Lara Croft. They fall in love. Together they fight against the US Military. (At this point some wildlife get involved). The blue people win. (This is because together they are successful in fighting adversity to make the world a better place.) Then Sully turns blue and they all live happily ever after. 

(Google Images)
"Together we can fight adversity! Hooray!"

Avatar = Pocohontas. The only difference is Cameron has given Avatar a more disney friendly ending. It’s all so sickly sweet I’m surprised more people didn’t vomit popcorn all over the Odeon. Although, I presume the failure of the US Military to obtain the unobtainium would have had quite bad effects for us ‘Sky People’, because I was reliably informed that the Earth was dying near the start of this two and a half hour marathon of cheese. Cameron has made the Americans mean in this film, so we will side with the Smurfs, and be pleased with the ending. However, I live on Earth so I would probably rather that the Earth didn’t die. Has Cameron forgotten that the vast majority of his audience will be living on Earth? Maybe he is confident that most people will have forgotten about this bit by the end of the film, distracted somewhere in the middle by all the bright colours and bizarre scenery of an LSD trip. 

I am finding it hard to think of anything good to say about Avatar. With Inception I could see glimmers of a good film lurking beneath the bits I hated which enabled me to, sort of, comprehend the rave reviews. With Avatar I am still none the wiser as to what all the fuss was about. The graphics are pretty I suppose but I stopped being impressed by brightly coloured people around the age of six, when my interest in cartoons dwindled. Take out the special effects and CGI rubbish and what you’re left with is a script with all the imagination of a teaspoon. If this is the future of cinema I fear I may have to start spending my orange wednesdays at home. 

From Alexandra

Why Inception is Not Actually as Good as Everyone Thinks

I appear to be the only person in the world who didn’t think Inception was god’s gift to cinema for the summer of 2010. 

The movie centers around the idea of invading people’s subconscious whilst they dream in order to extract information or implant an idea... Fine, but has no one realised that dreams are not actually that interesting? I have never been interested in other people’s dreams, ever. They’re just dull. I wouldn’t care if you dreamt about a pogo-sticking llama with the face of my great grandmother.

Also, Christopher Nolan - what kind of dreams are you having? And who came up with this idea of an 'architect' designing a 'maze' in a dream, expecting this to be a believable, legitimate basis for the blockbuster of 2010? These are the ramblings of a madman.. Actual dreams don’t work like this movie says they do. Even if they did (they definitely don't) this still doesn't explain why all the dreams in Inception look like they belong in a James Bond film. None of them even come close to looking like an authentic dream. Have you ever dreamt of a city made entirely of grey blocks with lots of paper fluttering around in the breeze, complete with random house you lived in as a child? No, me neither. 

Leonardo di Caprio failed to impress, in general. What has happened to you, Leonardo? It’s hard to believe this puffy faced chap is that very same heart throb who grabbed the attention of adolescent girls nationwide with his portrayal of Richard in The Beach. The years have not been kind to di Caprio. What a waste. Also, why hasn’t anyone noticed that Leonardo’s character in Inception and Shutter Island are the same person? Switch over Dom Cobb and Teddy Daniels mid-movie and no one would bat an eyelid. I don’t even think the outfits were different. Bring back Richard.  

When Leonardo was nice to look at..

Nolan has inserted a few jokes into this (tryingtoohardtobe) dark and mysterious film, apparently at random. They completely clash with the mood of the film. It feels silly. A film this moody should not also try to make you laugh. You might as well have had a giant easter bunny merrily hopping across the screen during one of Jigsaw’s twisted games. 

Admittedly the special effects were good, there’s a nice bit where a street folds in on itself which made me go oooh. However Ariadne’s tour of dreamland goes on just that little bit too long, which detracted from my fascination somewhat. It started to feel a little less isn’t this mindbending and a little more... look how much money we have spent. 

The film’s saving grace is the relationship between Mal (Marion Cotillard), the late Mrs Cobb, and Di Caprio. This part borders on the brink of good as there is actually some substance to this sub-plot, with crazy Mal being all crazy due to a prologued time spent in the grey, windy dreamland... which is where you go if you die mid-dream, obviously. This was my favourite of the jumbled mess of sub-plots featured in this film because it does that thing that films normally do.. where the loose ends get tied up in the end, it all makes sense and then you all feel much better and go home. The rest seem to be there solely to keep you guessing as to what is actually going on. Ariadne asks "Whose subconscious are we in, exactly?" She's in the film. If she can't work it out we might as well not bother trying. 

I wouldn’t say Inception was boring, it is ambitious and it has obviously got people talking. It is just not as good as everyone thinks. I got the impression Nolan was trying very hard to be complicated, edgy and confusing and I couldn’t quite work out why. By the time the film was drawing to a close my brain was getting tired and Inception was definitely losing its grip on my attention. Normally when a film is that difficult to keep up with there is some kind of climatic, unexpected ending which makes it worth all the trouble. In Inception..they wake up. 

Then again, I didn’t like Avatar either. 


From Alexandra